Sorry I don't know all the terminology just yet.
My H had an A in july/aug. It was mostly phone calls/texts. It was an ex co-worker. He claims he stopped by her work maybe 3 times. He had been hiding his phone and being shady so one day he fell asleep on the couch and left his phone out and I saw the msgs. Then I checked the phone bill and saw all the calls they made. I was furious, kicked him out, he called her (because he knew I would), drove to her work and they kissed (he was angry at me at first, saying I didn't want to see him happy, I drove him to this, etc). 3 days later he came back, he was so sorry, realized it was a mistake etc. Ended it, changed both our numbers and as far as I know never saw/spoke to her again. That was around mid august.
Sept 22 he moved out saying he was too angry to do counseling while living together. Saying I nagged too much, we fight too much. I told him if he left it was done (I thought I would stick to it), he said he really wanted to do counseling but the fighting made him not want to.
Oct 8 we met with a counselor. Oct 9 he sent a new girl pictures. I found out Saturday. He'd signed up on a bunch of singles websites and I found out about her because she left 2 voicemails on his phone. He had recently revoked my acct privledges on our cell so I couldn't view the bill saying "you said you were giving me your phone back and I was mad". The thursday before I found out he wanted to be intimate. I said ok, but let me see your cell because I think you're seeing someone. He says he's not and that I can look (he was telling me he loved me, he's sorry about the first A, etc). So he claims he misplaced it but I called it, then he says it must be downstairs...no he hid it on top of a bookcase and it started vibrating from me calling which is why he wanted to go downstairs. I ask to see it, he says no but he's not doing anything wrong. LIE!!!
Now he doesn't know what he wants. We've been intimate twice since finding out (my fault). Says she lives in another state, they've just emailed, talked on the phone. I asked him the other night (after we had been intimate) if he had told her and in a very rude tone he says "no...but I'm sure you will" (I had sent her texts he sent me asking for sex, he misses me etc dating back to when he left. He's stopped texting things like that and I told him I know its because I'll fwd them. Apparently she thinks I'm lying or he's convinced her its not true because she still calls every morning).
He tells me he does want it to work but basically he's holding off on dumping her to see how we turn out. I told him there's no room for her in our marriage.
I'm hurt/angry/betrayed. I feel foolish, mad that HE feels HE gets to decide the fate of things. Mad that I let him have that control.
Part of me wants to work it out because I love him but another part says why bother? He's done this twice, he keeps talking to her, he's using you. Things have never been perfect for us and he tends to blame me for the A's but I told him I was just as unhappy but I wanted to work on it and you went looking for someone new. I feel like he's not serious about making it work and he'll end things with her so he has something to fall back on (and then look for reasons why we won't work). How can I forgive 2 A's?
I called our counselor and she made me an appt tonight without him.
I just don't know what to do. Ignore him? Keep talking to him like nothings going on (when we do talk he ends up telling me how everything I say or do makes him angry). He says he doesn't want to hurt me...well then don't! Make up your mind like a dang adult! Quit playing games with me, its not hurting her she doesn't know what's going on!
help me :(
Love 
