Betrayed Spouses Support

Hi asunnygirl8.

I definately can't answer your questions but I can tell you that you aren't alone in feeling like that and (I'd like to think) that it is normal and OK to feel like you are.  It's been about 9 weeks since I found out about my husband cheating and I still feel like that, too.  My husband is trying very hard and we are getting along good.  I don't cry much any more but I still feel pretty down and anxious.  I've had moments when I thought that I should have made him go away longer than just the night that he told me.  I've been a little mad that I let him hold me, touch me, kiss me, be intimate as early as I did (maybe within 2 weeks from finding out).  I also feel like being happy and close is almost equal to forgiveness and getting over it.   Happy songs and funny TV shows just don't appeal much to me right now.  It's coming slowly, though.  I do laugh more now than I did a few weeks ago.  I think most of us want results fast.  Understandably, we want to feel better as quick as possible.   But I'm learning that, unfortunately, we aren't that lucky.  You asked why you aren't feeling better.  But I bet you are.  Think about how far you've come from when you first found out.  Don't rush yourself.  There's no way you 'have' to feel and there's no real time line.  Let yourself grieve.  If you feel ready, do something nice just for yourself.  Make it something little so you don't feel so guilty about feeling good. 

I doubt you were hoping to hear things like time and patience are the answer.  I've been looking for a quick, magic formula but I'm coming up empty handed.  It's hard to accept that you will keep hurting for a while.  You will be OK.

biowoman25

I understand. What you are going through is perfectly normal. If you read through some of the posts, that may help. One thing I do want to add that, like the loss of a loved one, "this" will never feel OK, you will always feel different, you will be different, you will adjust and cope but will never be as you were. The question sometimes is not why you are not feeling "normal" again, but for the long term, what will "normal" be for you. I've had friends who never got over this, and rightfully so. You will always carry the hurt, and maybe, as time goes by, you will be able to manage it better. Just after a month, that's just too short to expect any major changes.

Good luck.. be patient.. don't worry about when it will feel better/normal again.. take each day as it comes..

And one more thing friends told me that help.. look at things you've postponed, put in the back burner, etc for yourself. Focus on yourself and do things that you've always wanted for yourself. A little indulgence, in a form that will bring you some peace, would go a long way.

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Hi Sunny,

Well it's been 4 months for me and you just described me when you described yourself. 

I think it may be a little premature to want to feel like yourself again after only 4 weeks.  Yet on the other hand that may be a very good sign.  I feel like I' m going backwards but that may just be me.  I' m allot older than you and have allot more baggage I think. 

I hope time will heal your wounds and you and your H manage to patch it up but don't let him off the hook yet and maybe never.  A cheater should be accountable for the rest of their lives if they want to stay.  You do whatever you need to do and he will just have to suck it up and take it.  Take care of you!

Remember, time wounds all heals!  I HOPE!

BIG HUGS, 

All I can say is it is a  long process and takes a long time to recover.  Also there will be relapses and he will say and think  the wrong thing many times. It's the fact that you are making an effort and HE is making an effort that matters. You won't recapture the past, but you CAN remake a good better and new marriage. Mine is much better now that it was for years. We are at 1 1/2 yrs post dday and it's going very well but I do have on occasion have sad times.    So congratulations with all your milestones!    You are a strong lady !