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discussion title:
 

Thinkn Divorce

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message #:
  47949.1
replies:
  8
from:
  kimz999
date:
  Nov-1 8:25 pm

Yes, this is the point where Im at - is this jerk even worth it?  Met with my H last night to talk and try to have some kind of "normal" evening- having dinner and drinks at one of our favorite restuarants (trying to "rebuild", talk, and filter in some common routine event we used to do) but really its all BS - I agreed to this approach being the dumb, naive hope seeking person that I am.  But as usual, the evening ended with us arguing and me storming off in a flury of emotion.  I AM SO P*SSED OFF BECAUSE NOW HE'S TRYING TO ACT LIKE THE VICTIM SINCE I AM THE ONE WHO MOVED OUT!!!!  WHAT AN A**HOLE!!! It's like all of the sudden he's holding all the cards here - and the fate of our future is up to him!!  I simply suggested to him that the only way we are truly going to work things out is if I slowly start to move back in, go to counseling - and really focus on our relationship.  These sporatic meet and greet "dates" aren't doin a damn thing. BUT, he says, HE NEEDS MORE TIME and that we should be separated for a few MONTHS!  Screw that - I'm not wasting another minute of my life to wait for a man who has betrayed me twice in the past year and has done nothing but give me heartache and stress over the past 4 months.  A "few months"- why?? So you can go on with your life, meet new women and keep me on the back burner!!?? I don't think so a**hole!!  The less I see him- the more I'm pulling away - and I'm beginning to think this is just a hopeless situation.  On top of it - the freaking holidays are coming around - just what I need, to deal with the extended family. I wish I could take a 3 month vacation away from everybody- I just want to sit in a dark room, drink, and smoke a carton of cigarettes...  I feel totally deflated.
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discussion title:
 

Thinkn Divorce

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message #:
  47949.2 in response to 47949.1
replies:
  8
from:
  myradorn
to:
  kimz999
date:
  Nov-1 8:57 pm

I think you put him in the one up position when you moved out, sounds like that's how he's acting, too.  I wouldn't SUGGEST you move back in, if you want to, just do it, you don't need his permission, do you?  Is there any legal crap that says if you move out for a certain length of time, you really ARE out?  Just curious.  Is he messing around while you're gone?  Is that part of the agreement while you're gone?  If so he'd likely enjoy you being away "for a few months" to give him "more time".  I think you have this figured out, he's toying around with you and with other women while he tries to find himself, as they put it.  And if you put up with it, you really won't get to complain afterward. 

 

***Happiness is wanting what you have.***
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discussion title:
 

Thinkn Divorce

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message #:
  47949.3 in response to 47949.1
replies:
  8
from:
  bjean2008
to:
  kimz999
date:
  Nov-1 11:43 pm

I'm thinkin YES, serve him the papers!! Some of these WS need that as a wake up call, nothing else does it. I got the "need more time" speech after I agreed to take him back. After all his begging and pleading for one more chance and me giving it to him, he then finds he just cant go NC with OW. Stupidly I let him stay in the house and gave him "more time". Two months later I am thinking he MUST be over her, and then wham, I see a page from OW on his phone. Come to find out, he was staying in contact with her so that he had a back up woman in case I decided to leave his butt.

 

Anyway, as one who has been there, tell him YOU need "more time" to go to your attorney and get those papers written up. Take the power back.
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discussion title:
 

Thinkn Divorce

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message #:
  47949.4 in response to 47949.2
replies:
  8
from:
  kimz999
to:
  myradorn
date:
  Nov-2 8:40 am

I wish I could just move back in no matter what- but I have a daughter and my name is not on the deed of the house.  My parents even offered to have her stay with them for a week- while I stayed with him to talk and try to come up with some kind of "plan" to work things out.  It just sucks - your right I do know that he is toying with me, I feel like I'm trying to save something, but really I don't know what the hek that is.  What's so sick about this whole thing is that I feel like I'm the only one bending over backwards to try to work this out.  I need to move on with my life- what a nightmare its been!  Thanks for listening and responding - I'm defintely here to stay for awhile.
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discussion title:
 

Thinkn Divorce

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message #:
  47949.5 in response to 47949.4
replies:
  8
from:
  thinkingman6008
to:
  kimz999
date:
  Nov-2 10:27 am

I think you feel like you're the only one bending over backward because that's how it is.  He's used your upset and loyalty to manipulate you into a position where he gets exactly what he wants.  Especially if you're starting to lean toward D it's time to consult an attorney.  If anything will snap him out of his "eat his cake and have it too" fantasy that'll be the thing.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein
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