Today would've been my two year wedding anniversary -- as a gift - I got my first child support cheque from STBX! It was almost comical - he handed it to me - and i asked him where my "food stamps where"-- LOL... It felt so trashy - (nothing against food stamps!) -- so I went out and bought some new tops!! and some new toys for the little one :)
Its so sureal -- but life goes on... and it wouldve only been two years married - which I think is easier then 15 or 20 or 30... (i have to look at something postive)...
I still get sad wondering why he choose this life for us -- but I guess it doesnt matter; he was a serial cheater - and not the life me or my son deserves...
My seperation date is Sept 14 and today being Nov 3 - we are moving forward - things are looking up, bought a new house, have a gorgeous 15 week old baby, and bought some new clothes today !!! Lol....
WOW! You sure sound like a rock! To have a new baby and be on your own is huge. Good for you! You did what allot of us don't have the courage to do. You got rid of the cheater and are going forward.
You are right though, at 55 years old and 34 years with my H, it is harder to face life alone. My children are grown and gone. Guess I could get a really good dog and a cat, Geeze is that cliche or what. I really never saw myself as a statistic but I also never saw my H destroying me either.
You really got it together in a big way, youth sure has it's perks. Find happiness and never settle for less.
You're right about the choice he made. What happened was a choice but it didn't have anything to do with you, he chose to commit relationship suicide every time he cheated. It was his selfish choice, one that he will regret the rest of his life and at some point if it hasn't happened yet, he will be begging to come back. With what I know now, don't look back get a good teddy bear of a man, one that will love and cherish you and your baby. Honest and loyal!
i am sure that this is hard for you = we as humans do not take well too change. in the beginning you believed you had found your prince charming, how were you to know that he was a frog thru and thru - or should i say toad, ha ha
it is still raw, the feelings you had for him, the man you thought he was, still there, just beneath the surface. but with time comes healing - with healing comes growth - with growth comes strength - with strength comes happiness.
hang in there my young friend, continue to post whenever you need a shoulder, that is what we are here for.
Tell me how you are so upbeat and positive? I am currently on the divorce road bc my stbx also decided he needed to get his kicks elsewhere bc he didn't love me anymore, I didn't do this..blah, blah. He didn't do stuff for me either..it is a 2way street a marriage. I just had a baby a 2 months ago (he decided he wanted out when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant). It has been almost 3 months since he told me he wanted out... we were together 14 yrs and married 8. I struggle on a daily basis and still feel that some days I am in the denial stage. He is still with this OW and it makes me sick to my stomach... I want to get through these feelings and just don't know how. any advice!!
Hi smark, I am sorry that you had to find us, but happy that you did.. The pain you feel is unbearable, i know, add that with the hormones of pregnancy, then the pain of the delivery, and then the sleepless nights with the baby!!! I know EXACTLY how you are feeling...My advice since you asked for it is read as many posts as you can, there are lots of woman who have been in your shoes, even though we are all different and have different stories are pain is all the same...I suggest that you utlizie your friends and family as much as you can, join baby groups, (look for free ones at your local church, syng, temple, community centre, YMCA) getting out and about makes your days better and makes your head stronger!!!!!! Do you have any other moms around you - go to the mall with the baby, google MEETUP (its a website catered to people looking to meet others) search for mothers with babies in your area.. Keep busy!!!!
I dont know what your story is... but in short, my STBX had 2 affairs that were confirmed (the first one while we were engaged, lasted 9 months), the second one started when I was also 8 1/2 months pregnant, I suspect there was also A #3 after the baby was born, but STBX adamantly denies that one (not like he ever admitted the first two at first- LOL).. I stayed with him after every affair, we went for counselling, he was sorry, he changed his cell phone numbers, he promised he would never do it again, but after affair #1 - he just got smarter, or dumber, he used a secret email, used his work phone, etc etc.. it doesn't matter - what matters is that I was with this man for 5 years. Married almost two. We planned for our lives together, we built a dream house together, we conceived our son after trying for half a year, we moved to be closer to a top school so one day our son could have amazing opportunities.. but STBX has something wrong with him, something that takes over him, he makes a conscious decision to lie, deceive and cheat!!!! I love him still - dont get me wrong - the decision to leave was the hardest decision to make EVER! but i love myself more, and i didnt want a life of playing detective.. For the last 4 years i was consumed with what he was up to; checking his cells; emails, his pockets, it was consuming me.. This was not the life I wanted.. and in reality this was not the life my STBX wanted either....It all culminated one night when he was going on a work trip and I asked him the name of the hotel he was staying out - well he went ballistic; "why do you have to now that, you will never trust me, blah blah" - and it just went from there.. there were times i begged him that we could work it out (isn't that pathetic- he cheats and I beg him)... anyways you ask how i sound positive - and its b/c i have no choice... well I do i guess; i had a choice to stay and have a miserable life while my H was cheating, bringing home diseases, impregnating others, or I had a choice to take ME back, show my Son that woman are powerful, beautiful and don't stand for crap... As you know we both have little ones that don't give us time to just lie in bed and wallow in self pity.. I, YOU need to be there for your little one, what good is a tired, cranky, weak mother!! No! we need to enjoy this amazing gift that we were given. Dont get me wrong there are days that I cry myself to sleep, but let me tell you - the days where i smile out number the days of crying!!!!! Please email me anything.... ask anything, i will answer, and hope you.. there have been some amazing woman / men on this board that have helped me get where i am today - if i can pay it forward and help someone else i would be honored!!!
is STBX coming around to see the little one?? that is also hard, my STBX comes over almost every day to see him!! Good luck, keep posting... xo nicole
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