Betrayed Spouses Support

My wife has been having an affair for 5-7 months and I only just found out the extent of it.  My first clue was in June when I saw an email thread of questionable appropriateness between her and her "best friend" who happened to be her supervisor at work.  We have been married almost twelve years and have two wonderful children.  I must admit though, I have been less than emotionally available.  In fact, at many points I questioned whether or not I loved her at all and fantasized about being single again.  Who would've thought that this bomb would drop on me and wake me up?  I don't want to lose her!  She has moved out and is seeing him (even though she still tries to minimize the relationship).  We have been to one counseling session in which nothing was accomplished and are scheduled for one tomorrow.  Before the first session, as far as I knew they had only kissed a few times, but were very emotionally attached, but not having contact since the June discovery.  Two days after the first session, I found out that they have been sexually active and continuing to see each other.  The will no doubt be discussed in tomorrow's session.  The strange thing is I am hoping that she is willing to get it all out.  More than anything I am hoping that she says that she wants to work things out with me.  I haven't been able to fall asleep and when I do, it's in short patches.  I haven't been able to eat much.  I force myself because I need the energy to workout.  Working out makes me feel better, but I can't do it all day long.  When will this get easier?  When will the pain go away?

I had the same problem for a long time after d-day (2 years ago).  I do think that it is important to go get some help from a counselor and your doctor.  I took an anti-anxiety medication for about a month until I was able to sleep and eat again.  It is really impossible to make any decisions when you are mentally and physically exhausted.  Try to avoid caffeine and junk food, especially in the evening.  Alcohol, as tempting as it may be at times, also can disrupt normal sleep patterns.  I found that the anti-anxiety helped me because it helped me to relax enough to fall asleep and helped me to turn off, or at least slow down, all the things that were going through my head. 

 I am very sorry that you are going through this.  I know how hard it can be.

this is going to be a long process unfortunately. i am sure your mind is spinning a million miles an hour.

you might want to consider asking for some sleep aids, or perhaps going to a health food store and buying a natural sleep aid so as not to become dependent.

it is good that you are in counseling.

i am thinking that while the two of you are working on your marriage that all future contact with the other man should be stopped. no person should have their cake and eat it to. what does the counselor think about her continuing to see this other guy?

please be sure you take care of you, take time to nurture you.

The counselor is a smart guy.  He is knows that she has, for all intents and purposes, moved on.  In fact, she had decided to move on about the time she started seeing the other guy.  He was there to listen, she was at the end of her rope, I'm sure he helped turn it in his favor too, but for me to tell her that would only make her think I am being petty and calling her a fool. 

The counseling session went ok, the other guy was never mentioned.  The counselor is trying to determine, along with my wife, if she is even willing to come back.  All those years of being emotionally unavailable are coming back to kick me right in the nuts!  I always thought that I could do or say anything I wanted to and she would never leave.  I was wrong.  I also thought, many times throughout the marriage, that I wish she would leave...be careful what you wish for! 

I realize through all of this that I love her more than I knew was possible.  I have taken her for granted for so long that I don't know if she has it in her to give me another chance. 

The counselor says that, for now at least, he sees a glimmer of hope.  Otherwise she wouldn't have come to the session or hold my hand during it. 

All I can do now is be patient, show her that I love her with all my heart, and hope she still feels the same.

BTW, I did get some good sleep last night (finally).