Basics of Sex

I haven't posted here in a while but I recently came to an embarrassing awakening and I want to share it somewhere anonymously.

I have recently decided to become abstinent after a long time of being very promiscuous. I liked attention from guys and I have had many partners and been pretty free with nudity and stuff in the past.

There was a pregnancy scare that I posted a bout a while ago (the guy was a real jerk) and I realized that I needed a break from all that and I needed to value myself more.

So I took a long time off dating and recently started dating a great guy who has been a very dear friend since I was about 15. He is the best guy I've ever dated, very much a gentleman and brings me flowers and generally just wonderful.

The issue is sex. We never had sex all those years as friends and he's never even seen me naked (something he confessed to wanting very badly). He knows about my decision to be abstinent and he's very understanding of it. We have very passionate make out sessions and he gets so turned on but he is understanding when we stop.

Here's my confession. I get very turned on by his sexual frustration. I can see it in his eyes and it makes me crazy to the point that i think i tease him on purpose to get an arousal. We've talked about things like blow jobs (i promised myself not to do that for a while) or just letting him see me naked but I've refused thus far.
Is this normal? Do other women enjoy teasing? I fell terrible but it is something that I haven't done before and only now discovered how powerful a turn on it is.
Anne

"Here's my confession. I get very turned on by his sexual frustration. I can see it in his eyes and it makes me crazy to the point that i think i tease him on purpose to get an arousal. We've talked about things like blow jobs (i promised myself not to do that for a while) or just letting him see me naked but I've refused thus far.
Is this normal? Do other women enjoy teasing? I fell terrible but it is something that I haven't done before and only now discovered how powerful a turn on it is."

It's normal.  My wife of twenty some years still enjoys teasing me.  Difference is she carries through in the end.   If you truly want to remain abstinent, what you and your guy are doing is very likely the wrong thing to do.   It's not fair to him to have to keep putting the brakes on and you might likely at something point continue with the teasing to the point you won't stop either.   To me, if that happened, it wouldn't be necessary wrong as this sounds like a good caring relationship for you.   But maybe in 'your' mind, you mind not think well of 'yourself'. 

You need to decide if you truly want to remain abstinent for 'yourself' and understand why you want to do it.   What you're doing right now is not the path to remain so.   But there is not right or wrong to this, just what you want and why you want it.

I do enjoy teasing my partner at times but I would never tease him without following through with action.  He enjoys teasing me also but again, he wouldn't do it if he didn't plan on finishing what he started.

Neither one of us would tolerate being teased all the time and then left hanging to take care of our own needs. 

Whether you want to engage in sexual activities or not, that's up to you and it's certainly your right not to but IMO getting him worked up and then letting him hanging isn't fair.  He either enjoys the frustration or he's just putting up with it for now and if that's the case, eventually he'll probably move on from this relationship.

It seems to me like you see men as something to amuse you rather than as being real people. You went from the extreme of doing anything possible to get attention to lots of men, to the other extreme of trying on purpose to get one man as frustrated as possible.

If he's really a dear friend then I'd wonder why you want to be cruel by purposefully getting him turned on and then stopping. There's an important middle ground that you're missing entirely. It is possible to see men as real people and to have sex and have it mean something without it all being a game.

You say he's the best guy you've ever dated. If you really do feel terrible, then hopefully you'll realize in time before he moves on to someone who doesn't play games with him.