I am posting in fear of being majorly scolded for being back here.
No matter how over him and the relationship I was, and how independent and free I felt when I was hanging out with the ex, I couldn't avoid being totally unaffected and drawn back into the drama. This time I was quick to get out again.
I'm trying to be civil and not immature about it all. We live in the same city and I've run into him a few times. Which is always weird - I dont run into other people I know as much as I have him. Do our 'cosmic energies' bring us together? what does it mean? Do I need to move to another city? I dread the day I run into him with another girl.
Also, I volunteer for a charity that he helps out with. Recently I was fundraising for a volunteer trip I was taking to visit the orphanage I help raise money for. My ex came to the event and then a few days later his mom sent me a large check for my trip. I was beside myself with the generosity of this woman.
I love his mom. And his dad and sister. When we were dating, they were so accommodating when we would take holiday trips to the family's house together. Everytime they come into the city they ask me to have dinner with them. His sister always supports me and looks out for me and (I feel) genuinely cares for how I am doing in life. His mom calls him all the time and asks about me and how I'm doing. Sometimes she calls him not to talk to him, but to ask about me. Maybe it's because I used to stand in as his family (his parents live 8 hours away) or maybe because she really likes me.. or whatever. My ex doesn't seem bothered by it but feels bad that he can't relay the greetings to me because I've told him not to contact me anymore. He's told her to call me but she hasn't (she doesnt speak much english)
I've already sent a thank you card to his mom and he emailed me saying she received it and loved it and was so happy I sent her a card. :-) It makes me happy. But I don't know how much longer I can be in their lives. I send holiday cards to his family and sometimes flowers for special Thanksgiving Dinners, etc.
But I think I'm going to have to stop. Or maybe I can continue this forever! I have guilt about slowly stopping the sending of holiday cards, etc. I love his mom and his family but I have to be respectful about how much I am "in their lives" by sending them cards on the holiday and flowers etc. His mom doesn't mind.. and may feel insulted if I drop off the face of the earth. I know my ex doesnt mind... but is it disrespectful?
Has anyone else had this problem with ex's family?
No scolding, silly girl.... but you do have to stop.
It sounds pretty awful to say this, but there are sweet and wonderful people all over the world, go be nice to some of them. Not his family. HIS family, not yours.
You and he are OVER and that goes for the family connection also. I do sincerely know how hard that is, but that is HIS territory, not yours, so no matter how nice there were/are to you, you MUST cut those ties. At least until the day you CAN see him with another woman, see him be completely in love her and it not make you bat an eyelash, or better yet, you feel happy for him about that.
HE is the connection between you two at this point. They are nice to you because of him. You are nice to them because of him. So even if you don't have direct contact with him, even if no one ever mentions him to you, that connection is still being fed and you are still hanging yourself up on him. On purpose, it seems.
You "run into" him all the time not becuase of some "cosmic connection" but because you are looking for him subconsciously and so that drives you to make decisions about your activities that lead you to where "he might be." these are self-fulfilling prophecies, if you will. Don't try to pull one over on me, I see it all the time :)
So stop. No more cards, definitely no more flowers. As much as it may seem to you that it's a bad or disrespectful thing to stop, it's actually much more so not to.
Ugh you're so annoying!! You're like raw honest to the bone!! And always damn correct! Can't someone sugar coat this situation!?! WHATEVER!! >;-)
(I kid I kid)
I am going to choose to listen to what you are saying because you are smart. I do not WANT to do what you are saying, but I WILL because you are right and I am not seeing these things clearly and from an outside and foreshadowing perspective - as you are.
Yes this is hard especially since his mother gave me much money for my trip, and now she won't get a Thanksgiving card or flowers. I'm sure she expects it. Heck, she even expects me to come over without my ex.
But you are absolutely right - we are linked through my ex. And if I keep the connection with her, then indirectly, I am keeping a connection with my ex. Not on purpose! It may SEEM. I really like her! I am overwhelmed by how open and caring she is to me. And that's the type of person I am - I'm thoughtful, kind, I send cards and stuff because I care, etc.
Anyway, even though I like her, I can and will find other sweet people that like me and I them. You are right.
That's such a tough situation! I've never been in one like it, and I know how hard it must be to have to cut off ties with his family, especially when they've been so kind to you.
I am just like you, thoughtful and kind, and I don't like holding grudges, and aside from my ex, there's really never been anyone in my life I've cut out on purpose. That's just not who I am, I love keeping the people I love in my life. The more the merrier, I say!
But Sandra's totally right, and I think you know what you have to do here, and you should be proud of yourself for recognizing that. And you definitely should not feel bad or guilty at all to stop contacting his family. You are no longer a part of your ex's life, and even though you don't have direct contact with him, his presence is going to constantly be there through his family. And what happens when he starts dating someone new? Where will you fit in? I'm sure his family will open up to his new girlfriend as well, and then you might feel like the awkward ex who's still hanging on. Bleh. It's best to just cut ties now and move on with your life. Your ex's family will understand.
It's always sad to see people go out of your life, especially when they are good people. But you should be looking forward to all the great NEW people you will meet, and especially a new love interest :) And who knows? Maybe they will have an even greater family and you'll grow to love them even more than your ex's family! But you will never be able to get there until you close this door.
""And what happens when he starts dating someone new? Where will you fit in? I'm sure his family will open up to his new girlfriend as well, and then you might feel like the awkward ex who's still hanging on.""
You are SO RIGHT. Just someone stating exactly what will happen in the future and how it will pan out, really helps me get that perspective that I need to not remain in contact with the ex or his family. Gross - I so don't need to feel insecure in the future with his family if he gets another girl and the mom starts loving her. Then I WOULD feel like a loser not knowing where I fit in.
Love 
