Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

My thoughts are consumed by him today.  I am still questioning everything that had happened.  I am still at a loss on how I miss out on the signs of his fading love.  I thought everything was OK.  How could he do this to me?  What gives him the right to hurt me this way?  I gave up so much for so little of what he could offer.  All I want is someone to love me and be there for me.  I felt so secure with his love.  Then it was all gone.  We weren’t as passionate as before but that is normal for couples who have been together for more than 2 years.  I can’t beat myself up everyday.  I know I had to stop somehow.  I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make all the pain go away.   The comfort of companionship I no longer have is the worst of all.  I have been so used to having him around on weekends.  I have been so used to him calling me everyday after work.  Though those calls had winded down during the last 3 months of our relationship, at least I still hear from him 2 or 3x a week.  Not having those calls, the security of having someone to unload your frustrations to and the comfort of knowing that he will be around when I need him is so hard to come to terms with.  But I have to deal because I can’t force him to love me.  He had told me once before, the passion had died.  How can I argue with that?  The urge to return his call from Tuesday is too much.... it's unbearable.  But I am smart not to start a cycle of never ending rejection.  Coz I know that no amount of phone call can change the fact that we have broken up.  So I came here to pour out my emotions.  I know that I am safe here.  I know that I won't be rejected here.  I know that I will get my support here amongst you all who are going through the process of healing like me. 

Hi Canary,

I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling right now. It takes a long time to get over so you just have to be patient. I understand what you mean about missing his company and his calls. It took me several months after the breakup to no longer miss talking to him on my way home from work.

It sounds like even though you had deep emotions for him, maybe he wasn't giving you what you needed all along - you said you gave him all of yourself and he didn't do the same for you.

The beginning of a break up is SOOOOO sad and painful, but it does get better, little by little, as your mind sorts it out and eventually the feelings fade. You're smart to not return his calls. That will just reopen the wound.

Hugs to you!!!

Peachy & Pixie,

Thanks for the your encouraging words.  It's only been 11 days since the official break up so yes, it is still so early.  I believe that time heals all wounds.  I wish that I could rush time but I have to learn to be patient and give myself some time to adjust to everything.  When the rug gets pulled from under your feet, you fall on your behind, but you don't stay long on the floor, you eventually get up and massage that part of you that got hurt until the pain eases away.  So I will take time to massage my broken heart until it no longer hurts.