Process of Getting Back

welcome!

next discussion >

ssb23

last visit to this board
Nov-21

add to friends
ignore posts

discussion title:

Process of Getting Back

emoticon:

message #:

27556.1

replies:

from:

ssb23

date:

Nov-4 6:28 pm

Do you think its usually a long(or somewhat long) process of getting back together when ex's start talking again? when one reaches out and says their regrets etc and the other says it will be like starting over, talking, then meeting etc....obviosuly its not like when you first meet someone and everything is totally new and its not the same "dating rules" but some do apply....like with ex's it might be talking on the phone for awhile before going out on that date...should this be the time to be patient?

i reached out to an ex (we were together for 3 and a half years) and left him a v-mail..he pretty much immediately called me back and i eventually told him my regrets etc( he ended it but noone did anything that couldn't be repaired--noone cheated etc etc). He basically said he can't just jump back to which i agreed. He said we will exchange calls and then meet. Also to point out--he isnt good with this emotional stuff, talking about problems, admitting things etc.

Its been about 2 months of talking so i think i have proved to be patient. It seems like i am the last call of the night when we do talk .Our calls have been nice usually lasting an hour, 45 minutes, some even 2 hours and we talk abut twice a week. There have been times when i call and it takes him a few days to get back to me. It was my turn to call and I decided to change the routine a little and back off this week and not call. I called today and he said he was wondering about me and that he was actually camping, visiting a family member in the area etc.

I am thinking the next time we talk I will mention meeting within the next couple of weeks so it doesn't seem like pressure to meet next Friday night or something.

It seems like things are going in a positive direction right even though things aren't moving very fast right? Some people in other message boards say if you didn't meet by now then he doesn't want a relationship with you. I kind of don't understand that in a sense b/c he knows I can't be friends with him and that would come to an end and I don't see why he would spend that amount of time on the phone with no other intentions. But i thought i would post anyway and get feeback.

Thank you! :)

send to a friend > print > bookmark > report a violation >

cl-i_b_sandradee

last visit to this board
Nov-22

messages posted
this board
2725

add to friends
ignore posts

discussion title:

Process of Getting Back

emoticon:

message #:

27556.2 in response to 27556.1

replies:

from:

cl-i_b_sandradee

to:

ssb23

date:

Nov-6 12:04 pm

I understand you want to get back together, but remember, HE was the one who broke up with you, so you really have to tread lightly.

Like I responded to you on my other board, it is up to him when he decides you two will meet, and not a moment before. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlunderstand&msg=12375.1

....."Its been about 2 months of talking so i think i have proved to be patient."..... No, you haven't, not really. That's not even scratching the surface. The only thing I can tell you is to keep being encouraging and enthusiastic when you do talk to him, but it MUST come from him that he wants to meet up with you. At the very minimum, he must think it was his idea, that's the only way it'll stick.

If getting back with him is what you truly want, it is going to be HARD. I am not going to lie to you. What you think you've exhibited in patience is NOTHING compared to what's coming ahead. You will have days where you completely doubt and want to throw in the towel, if in fact you do want to get back together with your ex. And the only thing that will keep you going is a commitment you make yourself to not give up unless you are 1000% willing and READY to walk completely away, never to look back.

Have you read the article I posted on reconciliation here in the Resources section? http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22969.1

Most times, you will be alone in this, you will be alone in the wanting to get back together and wanting to work it out and guess what? You're pretty much unable to be upset at him about it, because it's NOT him wanting to get back, it's you. So you're going to have to be willing to take the brunt of the effort and work because this is what you are choosing. Your friends may end up giving you a really hard time about this, taking you off your path. They may be right.

Believe it or not, I am not being a naysayer. I have reconciled and reunited with my ex and am now creating the very best relationship of my life with him. He's amazing. So I'm telling you reconciliation can happen. What I'm also telling you is that from what you've written and keep writing, you seem to have UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS of how and when this will all happen. Hint: Not the way you expect and not on your timeline.

Read the article, follow it, do what it suggests, and then let me know when you're really ready to do the work.

Best of luck,