Like a Virgin

Did you go through any counseling after your experience? If you didn't, then you might want to try.

As far as the physical situation, I guess what I'd ask is first, are you sure that there's been adequate foreplay before you attempt intercourse? Do you feel completely ready until the moment you try? If you're not, then continuing to try is only going to make things worse.

Can anything at all be inserted? Are you able to use tampons for instance? Can you use something like a sex toy when you're alone? Or does this problem happen always no matter what?

If this is always a problem, then it sounds like your first step should be talking to a doctor who specializes in problems like vaginismus.

Thank you for responding!

No, I have not yet gone through counselling because of the shame that I felt after the situation many years ago, however I have talked to a good friend the past couple days and we have decided I should start going to counselling and hopefully that will help.

And to answer your other questions, tampons and other things do not give me any problems so that is why I figure this is a problem because of the near-rape that happened three years ago.

I am going to start counselling tomorrow I hope and hopefully it will help..

It probably is all psychological, which means that you need to get over the trauma of the rape. By get over it I do not mean forgive or forget, I mean that you need to let all of your grief and anger and sadness out and deal with it. Whether you do this with a friend or a counselor, it is just important to do it.

Then work on your relationship with your fiance. I am guessing the rape was forceful, so do the opposite. Make sure there is lots of foreplay and sexual activity that allows you to experience the joy of sex without having sex. After allowing your fiance to pleasure you and seeing that it is possible and okay, you'll be able to move on to intercourse. When you do, take it slow, and make sure your fiance understands that you might get a flashback. He loves you and will work through it with you. It may take a while, but you'll get here.