Child-Free by Choice

This might be kind of rambling, but I tried to put my thoughts in order the best I could ...

I can see the feminist side of the argument, but I think it's too extreme and blanket.  So a mom puts up a picture of her kid/s ... she is a mother now and chooses to show that off because she is proud.  I don't think she is necessarily hiding who she is as a woman, just showing a major aspect of her life (hopefully one that brings her happiness).

I don't have any kids (not my cup of tea, coffee, milk, or beverage of any kind) but I put up pictures of my fur-baby.  Am I hiding who I am behing my Bubbie?  Nope, I'm showing off my Bubbie because I love him and he has brought so much joy into my life (much like a child to a mother) and I want to show the world how lucky I am to have him.  I am still me and I have other aspects of myself that I also show on my FB and MS profiles.

I have seen, however, the separation that occurs at gatherings when men go off and talk about life, sports, chicks, cars, and everything else they ever talked about before they became fathers ... and the women group up and discuss almost nothing non-kid related.  Even the women who don't have any kids talk about kid stuff because they want them and they feel left out because they don't have one.  I am the only one of any woman I know that wants nothing (or at least not much) to do with kids and they wonder why I am so quiet at these gatherings.  This is partially because I am just a shy individual, but a lot has to do with I just am not interested in what your kid did in school, how well they are doing competing against other un-coordinated 9-year-olds on their sports team, the latest hokey kid/teen sensation that has popped up on the Disney Channel that they are decorating their kid's room with, blah, blah, blah.   I want to discuss politics (even though I don't know much about them, which is why I would like to discuss it once in a while), or what everyone is doing at work, anything but kid crap.  And why is it that kid-talk seems to overtake the women when the men seem to be able to retain their own individual pre-kid self.

Then there are the women who become automatic experts on everything after they birth a kid.  My friend's son is her world and apparently she is the last word on motherhood (for sure don't dare critique her mothering skills no matter how obviously lacking some of them are!).  She has one son out of three pregnancies.  Now, I can sympathize over the loss of her two children, but this has left her spoiling her living son ROTTEN!  Everything she does is about him, and he has one of the worst senses of entitlement that I have ever seen.  Heaven forbid he should be disappointed about something; he must have it or go there or do it because he doesn't have any siblings.  Any time I have tried to bring up a hint that she is spoiling her kid and this is why he is misbehaving so badly she gets offended and quickly brings up the fact that I don't know because I don't have any kids and that his behavior is due to ADHD.  ADHD my ass ... I don't need to have a kid to recognize a brat.  Everything revolves around him ... and she wonders why she doesn't know who she is as a woman and is now having a mid-life crisis that almost ("almost" because I wasn't actually there so I don't really have a place to accuse) lead to her having an affair and is still considering a divorce.  She said she has always wanted to be a mother, even when she was a little kid.  Great.  You're a mother now.  Don't complain about not knowing who you are, welcome to motherhood.

Feminism has a lot of merit and empowering aspects to it and I suggest that every woman (and man) look into it with an open mind.  No one is ever going to agree entirely with any one way of thinking, but it has definately opened my mind to who I am and can be as a woman and has given me an outlook on the world that I didn't have before.  It has let me be comfortable with my lack of desire to be a mother or a wife and know that I'm not an uncaring freak.  At the same time it can go a bit overboard and work against what it is trying to work for.  If a mother wants to show off her kids, great ... she is a proud mother.  I don't think FB or MS is a testament to how a woman feels about herself.

I pretty much agree with what you are saying...to me feminism is about having a choice in your lifestyle and being supported in whatever that choice may be (referring to careers and children etc..). If a woman chooses to have a child and that child is a happy and important aspect of her life she should show it - just as I have showed off a picture of a current project I'm working on.

I have interest and hobbies that some of my friends aren't into or don't like, but they still support my interest in them because they know it makes me happy and that these hobbies are an important aspect of my life. The same goes with their children, I don't have or want children of my own, but I understand that they feel differently and support their decision and challenges with having them.

Now, there are people who go WAY to far with Facebook and those programs - honestly I don't want to know what you are doing every frickin second of you life. I've actually ended up blocking people because of too much inane chatter (12 posts on what they are planning to have, had, wish they had for dinner). I have noticed that new moms have a tendency to share a lot of what is going on with their newborn, more than what most people really want to know about, but there are others that are just as bad in my opinion.