Child-Free by Choice

Call me old fashioned, but, I have seen so many woman, actually mostly younger girls, talking about getting pregnant, planning for a baby with no stable home, no marriage, no way to support this baby, nothing. I've heard a lot of this through my niece who is 21 with 2 kids, with 2 different Dad's. I understand accidents, really I do, but PLANNING??!!

My niece has many friends and all of them have children, most of them at least. These aren't people she has just met, these are girls from high school, even grade school. Some were accidents, but in this newer generation, it's like they've never heard of birth control. I digress.

I was listening to my niece's friend talk, she's a little older, like 23. She has met this wonderful man, and she already has one child that was planned, by a different man, and instead of talking about marring this man, she is talking about how she really wants another child!? I don't get it. When did this become acceptable?

This is not something that I only hear from younger women, people my age, (I'm almost 29) I hear them talking about how much they want to have a baby with their boyfriend. A baby ties you together for life. Why not talk about your relationship first, talk about marriage give this baby a stable home. You know? I just don't understand. I know people do the baby thing to keep their man, but more and more I feel like I see that both the man and woman are on board with planning a baby. This bothers me. I may be old fashioned I don't know but I don't get this.

I actually had the chance to talk to a girl who was planning a baby with her boyfriend. She was 23, lived and home and her boyfriend was around the same age, and unemployed. Oh, and the girl was a student. Does this make any sense???!! So I was talking to her, and I asked her about money , a home, etc. She replied with, "Once I get pregnant, we'll figure everything out". I wanted to go further with the conversation, but I knew I would be offensive. So, I walked away.

I'm not trying to judge, or sound like a Grandma, but I just see this so much, anyone else? It really bothers me that it is so socially acceptable. When I was posting on the Bride to Be boards, at least 60% already had kids. Like I said, I know accidents happen, and that that. Although, planning for a baby is just odd to me. Not to mention stupid, in my opinion. Then we end up paying for these girls kids, because they are on welfare. I hate to stereotype, but it is what it is. This topic makes me angry and I just wondered how anyone else felt about it, or has noticed this.

* Robyn *

PS, Sorry for the rant, this is just something that really bugs me!

Robyn, I feel pretty much the same way.

I try not to judge people, but it's very hard not to think negatively *especially* when there is no real & feasible plan for raising the child (financially, emotionally, etc).

<<< It really bothers me that it is so socially acceptable. When I was posting on the Bride to Be boards, at least 60% already had kids.>>>

I agree with this.  I may be attacked for my opinion but I think it's BEYOND inappropriate for a woman who already has children to go whole hog with the traditional wedding.  Don't get me wrong, I have no beef with a ceremony or even the white dress etc.  Whatever works!  BUT I have witnessed (online and irl) women who are 27 with 3 kids and they are going mad planning the big fairy princessy high budget wedding they always dreamed of.  I'm sorry but you just look stupid IMO.  Especially if you put an announcement in the paper, "Kaedyn Robinson, Mikaella Brown, and Johrdyn Holt announce the marriage of their mother Lisa Brown, to Johnny Smith".  Ick.  I probably sound like a fuddy duddy snobby witch but when I read that I cringe!!!!

I don't want to step on anyone's toes here (and I honestly don't know if it would apply to anyone on this board) but I also find it incredibly bizarre when a couple who are not married purchases a home together.  I "hear" a lot of people online talking about the home they own with their boyfriend of 1-2 years and my mind is just blown!!  What a messy breakup that would be - as bad as a divorce.  Sorry that's off-topic but just another thing I don't get and feel sort of old-fashioned for thinking.  (FTR I see nothing wrong with cohabiting, it's just the buying a home together when not married to e/o that confuses me)

I agree with you, too.  I guess I'm old-fashioned too, but I definitely don't see how it's a good idea to bring a baby into the world with no stability whatsoever.  I've heard of several people that plan pregnancies because they WANT to be a single mom.  Really?  How is that ever a good idea?  I mean, I know sometimes divorce happens or the relationship doesn't work out for some reason leaving women in a hard place, but who would purposefully PLAN to be a single mom?  I don't get it either.

My husband's cousin recently got married and they had had a baby before the wedding as well.  Plus the bride had another kid from a different guy.  But yeah, she wanted the whole wedding ceremony thing even though most of us there didn't think it was really appropriate.  It would have made more sense for them to get married at the courthouse and then have a nice reception/party for family and friends.

I don't post very often, but I had to jump in.  This is a trend that gets to me too.

I'm about to attend a wedding of a friend of mine who bought of house and is on fertility meds all before the wedding.  I don't even think she is in love with this guy.  She doesn't want to be an "old mom" (she 29 and he 34). They been having relationship problems since they bought the house; she still starting the fertility meds, like having a baby is going to make their problems better.

I don't understand there is overwhelming desire to jump into parenthood. Raising kids is hard enough without adding in no father and money problems.  I just don't get. 

Kathy