Child-Free by Choice

I'm new to this board, but occasional post over at CFBC Health board. We've been married for 16 years & decided kids weren't for us at least 12 years ago. So, you could say this isn't a phase. Our families have known about our choice for years, but I think mil is hoping we'll change our minds or I'll just get PG one day (by accident or whatever). Our parents have grandkids from our siblings & this does help some. Of course, it creates other issues like our parents taking more interest in their lives than our's. This can be good at times, but many activities & get togethers revolve around everyone else's schedule. If we can attend fine, but things are done to accommodate those w/kids. It bothers me, but I try to deal & move on. I understand how important grandkids are to them. However, DH & I get slighted over & over by the same family members. Like birthday meals are cooked for everyone but us since they have other plans that day. Also, we wait at least a month or longer to receive birthday presents. All other birthday gifts are given on time to everyone else. I think its rude & would really like to say something, but it wouldn't change things. Maybe I'm being petty & just need to get over it.

So, I'd like to ask ya'll if you feel your family treats you differently since your child free. How do you deal especially with the holidays right around the corner?

My Husband is the one with the family, it's just me and Mom, so I'll lump her in and speak of it all as one. We get annoyed when Christmas comes, and we have to sit forever while the grand kid's open gifts, and one is a new born! Although, we are not the only ones who get annoyed. See, they are the youngest ones in the family. The only other kids are in junior high and high school. So, none of the aunts and uncles can relate, and get bored too.

The one Aunt who has the young grand kids, is soooo annoying!!! All she talks about are the kids. She is worse than the Mother and Father! My Husband's parents (Mom and Stepdad) are not kid people. They don't have children, his Aunt Nancy has no children, His Uncle Bobby, and and Aunt Laura are the ones with older kids. Suzie is the Grandma, and it is our cousin Carrie who has the little ones. Aunt Nancy, sometimes gets all wrapped up in the baby stuff, but the others, can really care less. So we are lucky.

The only annoying thing though, is that our Birthdays are two days apart, I'm Nov. 26, he's Nov, 24 (but he's three years older) so Thanksgiving comes into play. Usually it's just us, his parents, and my Mom, (Nancy lives in Florida) but sometimes Suzie joins us. OMG, all we here about is her Grandkids! It's Thanksgiving yes, but, we're still celebrating our Birthdays! My Mom always brings a cake, and Beaus favorite meal is Thanksgiving, so it works. So an effort is made.

What ticks me off though is that if we want to have a holiday here, we have to put our dogs away, in case they scare the kids! Patti, Beau's Mom, refuses to put her dogs away. Good for her! They feel like because they have kids, they can tell everyone to do. It makes me so mad! The dogs are sweet, teach the kids to be nice to them! Everything revolves around the kids! Oh, we need to push back the time, the baby is sleeping. Throw her in her car seat!!! This is stuff that happens at Christmas, we have to starve and wait to eat, while the food is getting cold, because they can't wait to open presents! F that! if I said that when I was 2, my Mom would have said too bad!

We live in a day when kids seem to get whatever they want! That's how I feel at least. We're pretty lucky, because his parents try to avoid the kids as well. Plus, we are always celebrated! Which is very nice. So there are negatives, but, in all, we're pretty lucky, and no, I don't think your being petty at all! Everyone deserves to be celebrated! Good Luck! Hugs!
* Robyn *

Kids do run families now.  I don't know if when we were kids if everything revolved around us or not when it came to planning events with the fam...   I'm lucky with my side of the family, my sister and her kids are in another state so when doing things with my parents, be it dinner, birthdays, holidays... it is all about my husband and I and whatever the four of us would like to go do. 

With my in laws it is all about their only grand child.  She has been the center of planning from the day she was born.  It drives me nuts because it really hurts my feelings that they do birthdays and whatnot all around their schedule, never taking ours in consideration.  We are busy too, I don't know why having a kid immediately makes planning revolve around them.

To your point about putting your dogs away, I wouldn't.  It is your home!  This only grand child was brought to our house for an adult only party (you can imagine I wasn't thrilled) and I was asked to put up a gate to keep the rugrat from falling down the stairs.  Now of course, I don't want anyone falling down the stairs, but seriously! 

-Susan

you described the situation with my in laws exactly! My own family is not at all like that but probably because neither I nor my siblings have children and my parents are just fine with that. I come from a family of child free people if you can believe it. My grandmother got pregnant because it was the thing to do but she hated every minute of motherhood. My mother got pregnant as a teenager by mistake and then married my father and they had my brother to "save their marriage" (didn't work) So there is NO pressure from my family for DH and I to breed.

LOTS of pressure from the in laws though. They are extremely pronatalist. The 3 other siblings have 7 kids between them. DH and I are the only childless couple in the whole family, including his cousins, and you can imagine it's a BIG family with all the pronatalism and kindergarchy going on.

I don't mind being left out though, because I don't feel comfortable with his family and especially hate all the hoopla surrounding holidays that parents seem to think their children want. I use any excuse to leave early or not go. I'm probably a bad DIL and SIL and especially a bad aunt, but I kind of don't care. I'm polite and friendly and I'm left out of a lot of things because I don't have kids, but I'm fine with that. Is there any way you can make peace with it? If not, you may have to say something about it. Is there one person that you can open up to about how you feel? I think your complaint is definately valid, and maybe they need to know that it's important to you to be treated just the same as them, and that just because you don't have children, you are still an important person in your own right.(I can't believe that some people need to be reminded about that, but it's our media that pushes the idea that "mothers" and "fathers" have more worth than us regular folk who live, love, laugh, work, volunteer and have feelings too!)