Mismatched Libidos

I finally ended the relationship after months of self doubt.

He is appalled that I would 'throw everything away because of the sex thing'. He also is upset as he has tried to compromise- like tonight, where he was clearly (by action) uninterested in my initiation but went along with it (ie laying there yawning). But he still would have sex, so I should be satisfied with that compromise.

I explained wanting an enthusiastic partner. He does not see it. I explained my feelings of closeness and bonding that result from sex. He said he feels 'nothing' emotionally from sex.

I know I am doing the right thing, but I would still appreciate some words of encouragement. Also he is hinting that my needs being met are not possible, when I don't think it is unrealistic that I can find a partner that enjoys and wants to have sex with me?

Thanks. And thank you all for your advice over these past months. If only I had taken it!

Good for you! About 2 1/2 years ago, I did the same with a partner I'd been with for almost 5 years. I even relocated for my ex.

Having a scant sex life (4x TOTAL the last year we were together) was bearable for a year or two, but not a sustainable way to live. I got more and more depressed over time. It got to the point where I couldn't even see a sex scene in a movie without an emotional melt-down.

Now I have been with someone for nearly a year and the sex life is great. We are pretty evenly matched in the variety and frequency of how we like it. The intimacy is wonderful and everything I was missing with my ex.

Let me tell you from the other side, it was 100% worth it. I would do it again. But, I don't beat myself up for how long it took...you shouldn't either...it's wasted energy. My ex was a great guy in many other ways and the relationship served its purpose...he supported me through some really tough career stuff. Plus, it made things crystal clear in what I was looking for in a future partner.

He would never answer me on how often he wanted it.  Last night he finally said his lowest is once a month highest 4-6 times a month.  I would like it (in a perfect world) 5 times a week.