Mismatched Libidos

I've never posted here before but I'm really hoping that venting will help ease the frustration of having a wife who never, ever willingly wants to have sex.

Tonight really cemented my need for an outlet. A frequent event happened that just forced me to do my best to just ignore and remain calm. Getting in a fight about anything to do with affection just makes things worse. To be fair, I am terrible in bed now. The lack of frequency means I come instantly leaving things probably worse every time I am able to convince her to have sex with me, which is maybe once a month.

So, the event- it happens all the time, and it just gets me down. I'll get home from work, or come into the same room as my wife and she smoothly zips up her sweatshirt or jacket or whatever else will cover up her chest completely. From my perspective, it is an obvious attempt to distance herself physically from me. But, come on! First of all, our house isn't cold, so there's no need for a sweatshirt or jacket to begin with. Second, she wears skin tight shirts to work and out around town all the time. She's in great shape, although she always says she's fat.

It just hurts, to get that gesture thrown in my face. Aside from rarely having sex, our relationship is ok. We have kids and the usual tiredness, neverending days, and endless things to do. But, I haven't french kissed my wife in 10 years. She always pulls away after a peck kiss like I'm going way over the top. And if I bring up wanting sex ever, I get a huge guilt trip about "pressure to be romantic". I realize that having kids really changes a woman and I try my best to be understanding. But, seriously, the "I'm tired" excuse is understandable except when your wife continually finds new ways to fill up her day causing the exhaustion, even though I ask that she ease up a bit and be a little more rested.

Anyway, I wish I could disconnect the desire until she feels like it again. Will it ever happen? I don't know. She used to love having sex. . I don't really feel like being with anyone else. But I feel a little better already after venting a bit.

Welcome. Sorry to hear you need us. Glad you found us.

No easy fixes here. Will take time and effort on both your parts.

I suggest visiting the Marriagebuilders web site. And Divorce Busters.

Tell us a little more about how you get along and maybe we will have more suggestions.

<<we women are missing what makes us happy>>

Which is what? It is terribly tragic to me that so many women seem to be so miserable after having kids even though that's what most women seem to want the most in life. Very sad.

<<It is terribly tragic to me that so many women seem to be so miserable after having kids even though that's what most women seem to want the most in life. Very sad.>>

I agree...what is so trying about living life with children and jobs that makes fostering ALL parts of a marital relationship a burden?...