Mismatched Libidos

I wrote a week ago describing my frustration and sadness over the lack of interest my wife has for me. She zips her sweatshirts up to her neck when she's near me and shows 100% lack of interest in me. She vaguely claims to have "issues" but won't talk. Won't kiss. Won't touch. I feel like a roommate, a brother, anything except a husband. If I put pressure on for sex, I get 24 hours of guilt trip for stressing her out. I suffer to not try for physical contact, but it she doesn't seem to care or understand that there's the same type of stress that I carry for not being able to be physical.

So, "losing my strength". What I meant is that after writing to share my frustration last week, I felt empowered. Your responses inspired me to worry about my happiness, and for the last week, I easily was able to not "look like I wanted sex". And the response was good. She was nicer to me. I felt strong. Sharing my story was cathartic, I think, and I got it off my chest.

So, here, a week later, I'm feeling week, frustrated, horny as ever. I am sharing again to try and gain my strength and inspiration. I want to not care about sex for a while. I want to make her want me. I want to keep going on with my life and my happiness, and leave the option for her to join the journey or not. But I want to be happy. I'm tired of taking my frustration out by raising my voice with our kids or by clamming up in the bedroom like a little boy. Time to feel badass again.

so...I guess I'm just venting. Just needed to get it off my chest again.

>>>>>  I want to not care about sex for a while. <<<<<

Unlikely.  More likely you can distract yourself for a time while you focus on making progress in other areas.

>>>>> I want to make her want me. <<<<<

Maybe if you become very happy, successful, fun, self-contained and powerful this will occur.  Just as likely you will make all those changes and she will find you even more attractive but still not be interested in sex.  Unless SHE wants to want you sexually, it probably won't happen.

>>>>> I want to keep going on with my life and my happiness, and leave the option for her to join the journey or not. But I want to be happy. I'm tired of taking my frustration out by raising my voice with our kids or by clamming up in the bedroom like a little boy. Time to feel badass again. <<<<<

Yes, this is the key and the proper goal.  For you to be proud of all the other aspects of your life.  If you can get there, do so.  Then you can review her behavior and decide whether you want her in your life.  If you don't think you can get there while you are living with her, then you face some very difficult choices.

Well man, I am right there with you. I have told DW lately that both I feel like we have brother/sister relationship, and that I think she is lame. I went to touch her breasts earlier in the week and she said she thought that was disgusting. And she says 'I know I have issues', but what do you do? 3 or 4 years ago, I would blow up, fight, run her into the ground, and boy that sure did not work. Now I am trying to just turn the switch off and starting right now, want to see how long I can go without. Really sucks though. She has gotten better over last couple of years, she can usually accommodate me once or twice a week, but no foreplay, and it is only a matter of minutes honestly, and I have worn back down to even though it is slightly better, I am worn down. She can spend 15 hours per week on that frickin computer, and will spend 10 minutes being intimate with me, give me a break.

So for me, I have spent a lot of time at work this week, plan on spending a lot of time in the garage tomorrow. I also run, ran 1/2 marathon 3 weeks ago, but nothing since then honestly - I need to buy a new MP3 player, that would help - but running and working a lot wears me out and lets me avoid the situation.

Back in those 4 years ago times, we would go to counseling, for a week or two, things were better, but at the end of the sessions, she started to backslide.

On a new note - I sort of joking, but sort of serious asked her if she would be willing to take some pills. Just sort of for kicks (and counterproductive to our situation), a couple years ago, I took Horny Goat Weed, and to some degree this helps, and women can take it too. Not sure if I want to buy her a bottle of something made for women with that in it or not. If you look up the science of it, it has some of the same chemical (not sure if that is the right term) reaction as Viagra and others. But do I want to artificially push her like this? And what if I buy it, and then days go by and she does not take it, or I have to push her to take it? Then it would probably be even worse than current situation.

Any thoughts on taking her up if she offers to take some pills?

So I hear you man, right there with you, here to vent also, thanks for listening. For me, I have to start to focus on other things in life, and a little sullen that the rest of my life might be not focusing on DW. Run, work at job, spend time in garage, go do things with my kids.