Mismatched Libidos

My boyfriend is 11 years my senior.  He is in his 30's and I in my 20's.  He was married once before with no children.  Although 11 years is a large difference we are compatible on maturity levels, financial levels, future goal levels, and sence of humor.  Until someone asks we rarely think about our age difference.  We have an excellent relationship, and I couldn't be happier...with the exception of in the bedroom.  We have been together a little over 3 months, and already I fear for our sex life.  We kiss, hold hands, and are affectionate towards each other most of the time, but rarely have sex.   In most relationships I have been in, the first few months are filled with nothing but crazy sexual lust.  The first few months, generally, contain the highest amount of sex throughout the entirety of the relationship.  We have talked about each others desired sexual appetite- His being once a week, and mine being 3x a week.  It has been 3 weeks since we have last been intimate, and last night I pursued it, and was turned down.  This is something I am not familiar with.  Not only is it a whack to my ego, but brings up hidden insecurities.  Is he starting to find me physically unattractive?  Are we becoming more comfortable around each other, and he is finding my personality less attractive as time goes on?  The frequency of sex is not decreasing.  We have only had sex 3x total (including time spent in a beautiful hotel in Florida for a surprise vacation). As I said, minus the sex, our relationship is great though... fairytale-ish. I have never believed in "the one", but I feel he could possibly be it.  I desire for him to be "the one", which I never have felt for any other.

I fear without more sexual attention I will not be able to stay faithful.  I fear I will become agitated with him because of our lack of intimacy.  I am aware that in most long term relationships and marriage the frequency of sex declines after time.  At only 3 months, is my relationship doomed sexually?  What can I do short of hiding Viagra in slices of cheese?  Because I care for him so passionately I am willing to have less sex than I'd normally desire, but once a month is making it tough.

"What can I do short of hiding Viagra in slices of cheese?"

I loved this comment.  I know it's not a funny situation for you but the visual I got from this made me laugh.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  I don't have any great advice for you.  To me it seems like he is showing you what frequency he is comfortable with.  If you want more often and are afraid that you will cheat at three months into the relationship it isn't a good sign.  You need to decide if this is something you will be happy living with long term.  He may be able to up the frequency a little but my guess is it would always be a struggle for one or the other or both of you.  Good luck with whatever you decide to do. 

You're unhappy in this part of your relationship already and you've only been together 3 months, imagine 3 years, 5 years, 20 years down the road. 

If the two of you can't work out a compromise where you'll both be happy and satisfied with your sex life, chances are it will eventually have a negative effect on the rest of the relationship.  Neither one of you is wrong, you're just different.  IMO, sexual compatibility is just as important as being compatible in all parts of a relationship.  When one part is missing, the relationship isn't a whole.  Read through other threads on this board and see the problems ML can and usually does cause.

As for Viagra, the desire for sex has to be there.   It isn't a libido boosting drug, it's a drug for erectile dysfunction (ED).  There's a big difference between not having the desire to have sex and having the desire but not being able to get an erection.

If your BF is truly LL...my experience has been that the signs will be there early on. With my ex-LL, the road of the onset of our relationship was paved with red flags. I stuck around because with his words, he would express a desire to change or make promises that things would improve down the road. I hung on because of my hopefulness.

Eventually I found myself looking back on years of such promises, with no end result. His words and actions (or lack of action) did not correlate.

In your case, I think you have every right to be concerned. Your BF is saying he wants it 1x/week, but his actions are showing you otherwise.