The attention will come when you start feeling good again :).
That's why you have to do things to make yourself happy :). Easier said than done, sometimes, but the more you do what works, the sooner you'll get over T :).
The sad heart really does keep suitors away. Guys don't like being compared to old bf's. It makes them feel like they're not special to you.
I've noticed that when I'm in a good mood, and when we're out and about, I get noticed a lot more and the men are very friendly :).
But if I'm upset or angry, everybody ignores me, lol.
People can really pick up on our moods, even if they don't realize it. Negativity draws everybody away. I didn't even start making close friends here until I started feeling happy again.
It's not that they're bad friends, or fair weathered, but people like people who feel good, because it makes them feel good, too :).
Enjoy the season and the weather :). I feel a lot better when it's sunny out than when it's cold and dark. I think I have seasonal affective disorder though, because I'm a lot happier in the spring and summer months.
I hope the meds are working for you :). It sounds like it is, because you're up and at 'em for work everyday and you're getting your stuff done :).
Try to look for the GOOD in your situation :). You're around the hustle and bustle of the city, you've got good friends, a great job, a wonderful roommate and a great kitty :).
Thinking and feeling the pain over and over again can make you feel a little stuck at times, but when you start feeling better after a good cry or some experience of letting go, please just let it go and move onto something positive.
With letting go, you have to replace the negativity with something good and spiritually nourishing and loving. Or the negativity will just stay stuck in your system and make you feel bad and even get sick.
Make a list of things to do to make you feel happy :). Loss can really help one learn about gratitude and the simple pleasures of life.
I would have a good cry and then just get in the car and take myself out on the town and just talk to people and enjoy them :). Even the waitor would be nice to me and just take really good care of me :). I used to go out to dinner to feel loved when I lived in GA, lol. I don't know if it was the food or that I was well known in all the local restaurants, but it was fun :).
But I would always go home with a bottle of wine and that wasn't good. For me at least, alcohol has always made me hold onto the negativity. But only in large amounts. One or two drinks never afffected the way I felt later. So moderation in all things is the key :).
LOL, I just know I can't have just one or two drinks, because I always want more :). So that's why I don't mess with it. I didn't like wanting something I couldn't have, and now, that includes some men, LOL.
Take heart :). Things will get better :). The more you start appreciating yourself in your heart, the better you'll feel :). Healing is more about the heart than the mind. You have to let go with your heart.
And you can still love him, but you can't put any other attachments to that :). No expectations, no fear, no insecurity, no crazy fantasies, and no judgment.
This is about You more than anybody else right now :). T was just the teacher and you can't really hate the person who came into your life just to teach you something about yourself, can ya? That's just another way to see it :).
One of the biggest lessons we all have to learn as codependents is that, "If you love someone, set them free." I know it's hokey, but if we try to control someone or the way they think or feel about us, we're only cheating ourselves, because we're basing who we are on what someone's opinion of us is.
And someone's opinion of us, isn't always an accurate perception of who we really and truly are. Shoot, look at how my mom and Melanie think? They color their opinion of me with their own values, ideals and what their beliefs and live experiences are.
Is that really fair to me? Nope :).
Could you really be happy with someone who only loves you for what you do for them? Or someone who has to control you to feel secure in themselves? Or someone who only loves you for your looks.
True Love has to start with what YOU think and what YOU feel and how YOU see yourself. Not what someone else thinks, feels or perceives.
It's funny, because when I'm at my best, Keith and I get the royal treatment from people :). Everybody but my mom and Melanie, LOL.
Melanie is starting to like me better, the more confident I get :). We're really healing a lot and getting to know each other better. But my mom is starting to get jealous. And she's starting to interfere now.
I know they're both toxic though and in just 19 days, I'll be able to drive anywhere again :). And they both know I won't be seeing as much of them.
But it's been rough, because I'm having difficulty getting MY stuff done, because of all the time I'm spending with them. I really need to get my closets cleaned and the drawers organized, so I can focus on writing as much as I can.
I just need to not answer my phone, but I feel guilty if I don't. I try too hard to be a good friend to everybody but SK.
Anyway, hang in there :). It'll get better :). It's starting to now :).
At least you didn't have kids by him. I'm still deeply hurt that Newt doesn't even want to meet this gorgeous kid we made. I really think Keith is gifted, too :).
The other night, I couldn't believe that he knows how to work the DVR, all on his own :). And he's 4, LOL. He can get to level 14 on Pokemon DS games, too :)!
Any gizmo in the house, he can figure out how to work, all on his own! He's a lot like his dad, but I'm kind of like that, too :).
So it still hurts me deeply to think of Newt. But I think I just miss what we had more than anything else. I know another man could light up my heart the way he did :). Before I moved down there, lol.
Well, I'd better head off to bed :). I hope you had a good weekend :).
Keep posting, it's just good to get stuff out, but remember to do things that really make you happy after you let go :).
Hugs,
SK
Love 
