All you can do is heal right now, hon :). Face the pain, so that you can let it go and reap all the blessings and self knowledge :). You'll be amazed when you find out how great you really are :).
Kids can really keep us strong, too :). My son will be 5 in December and it's been a long series of hard lessons, but I sure did face a lot. But I had to do it, because I had to keep going for my son. The day he was born, it stopped being all about me, lol.
Plus, when you try to date when you have a small child, it can be stressful on the child, too. They can start feeling insecure about the love you have for them and when they're 4 is when they really need you a lot. Because they're learning how to play the role in the family and it's really important to be the best example of integrity that you can be. I had to learn that the hard way, too.
The pain will come and go in layers. It'll be the same feeling for awhile, until you're reayd to let it go. There's no time limit on how long it takes to get over a breakup, but I know it's very difficult for everybody who goes through it.
My aunt met someone soon after her divorce and he ended up loving her son so much that he adopted him. But it happened when she was ready. And she always had a true liking for men. She never let the ex mess up her ideas and opinions of men, so she found someone who was really good for her. They've been togother for over 40 years and they'll probably end up growing old together :).
It was a lot different for my mom, because she held onto the resentment she had for my dad. But she found the right guy when her life started getting less stressful and when the good job came and we were older. I was 14 when she dated my stepdad and they've been together since 1980.
My mom chose career and my aunt chose family. But as different as it was for their experiences, it all ended up working out in the long run.
And it's pretty funny, because I swore up and down for most of my life that I would never be a single mom. So here I am, a single mom, lol. I guess it's true that with the Law of Attraction that it doesn't understand the word, Never or Not or No. The more we think about something, the more it keeps materializing in our lives. I wish I learned that a lot sooner than 2007, lol. I read The Secret and it really helped me be able to finally stop blaming my family and start taking responsiblity for my own thinking.
A word of encouragement to you...if you want marriage and family, you WILL find it :). If you end up bitter and angry, like I almost did, it won't come until you're ready to let go of the pain and the resentment and the false ideas about relationships.
But right now, face the pain and the fear, because it'll help you change the way you think about your life and the way you see things :). The pain must be let go first.
And I know it hurts, but it WILL get better and you WILL get stronger and stronger the more feelings you face :). Sometimes, you just have to walk the walk :). Just to get through it. Then you'll find that it's really not that bad :).
The best thing about being single is my freedom :). I can do my chores at my leisure, I don't have to wear makeup all the time, and I can wear pajamas all day if I feel like it, lol. And I don't have to worry about having to be places at certain times and for someone to know what I'm doing all the time.
The GOOD thing is that when I finally DO meet the right guy, I still won't have to worry about not having enough freedom. Because in healthy relationships, people accept and love each other just as they are. And there's tons of trust, so I really will never have to worry about someone doubting my integrity, as long as I honor the person and myself.
But the best thing about staying single for awhile and taking the time to heal is that once I do let go, I'll NEVER have to go through that same old codependent pain again :). And I'll find the kind of love that I've always craved and that's Unconditional Love :).
There's no judgment or criticism to get stressed about, there's no pressure to be someone's "project," and there's just lots of good communication, mutual understanding and compatibility :).
And I'm really looking forward to that :). It's going to happen when I stop living in the past and start embracing my life the way it is now :). And when I start liking myself for who I truly am, even if I don't do things the way my mother always did them, lol.
So take heart :). You won't be alone either, because your friends will always be there for you :). I know it's not romantic love, but it's still a lot of fun to go out with The Girls :).
Please feel free to post anytime :). We're here for you and a lot of us have walked the same path :). And if "I" got through it, anybody can :)).
Hugs to You :),
SK
Love 
