Wow, I know it's hard, hon. I had a relationship like that with my baby's father. It was on and off a lot and I always felt very insecure around him. I could feel the abandonment so strongly that it never felt right between us.
Is it that you're both just afraid of intimacy and committment? But that you still care deeply for each other? Are you both in love and just very independent?
It just sounds very painful and uncomfortable. But there is a life beyond all that :).
It's up to you though, because deep down inside, you know what needs to be done. Let your feelings guide you through and let your inner self lead the way.
And if you pray, pray for courage and strength to do the right thing and do what's best for you.
For us to be truly happy and free, we have to learn how to be true to ourselves and not put ourselves through unbearable situations. I know it's hard, and I've been there. I don't like it when someone is upset with me and I feel guilty for saying no sometimes.
Do you just want more from your H? Or do you feel that it's just time to let go and move on?
I would write down how you feel and why. Writing is very powerful, because when thoughts are on paper, the truth is revealed a lot of the time :).
And I would make a list of the options to deal with him and the pros and cons of each. I've made very important decisions that way :).
Being single for a little while isn't as bad as one may think :). The best thing about it is that you can do things your way and be where you want to be anytime you want :). It doesn't have to be lonely either, because that's what friends and family are for :).
I personally would rather be single than with someone who isn't healthy for me. I've been having a hard time with men lately, too. But now, it's very karmic, because the ones I've gone out with all wanted to own me and depended on me way too much for their self esteem and happiness.
There's a fine line between codepedency and love, lol. I'm finding that it all has to do with motives. If the motives are unselfishness, honest, pure and loving, there's nothing wrong with doing things to show affection. And if the feelings are there, there's reasons behind the feelings. Do the feelings have to do with the ego or the heart?
And I'm not telling you to break up with him right away. Or even to break up with him at all. It's all up to you, because it's your life path and you're in charge of your happiness :).
Letting someone go is a loss and it has to be grieved out. But when the pain is gone, there's a whole new beginning involved, with hope, love and plenty of blessings.
We're here for you, anytime you want to post :). It's really good to just get everything out :).
If you choose to stay with him, there's going to have to be some boudaries. You just have to be open and hoenst with him about what you're willing to do and what you're not willing to do.
And if he doesn't respect your boundaries, that's another red flag.
If you choose to break up with him, it's going to be hard to end it completely. He's going to keep coming back and it may be hard for him to take No for an answer.
It's really hard to end codependent relationships, because the person who has the need to control can be very strong willed. And when there's a strong ego involved, it makes it even worse.
But codependency really is more about ego than love. And it's more about need than anything else. That's why it's considered an addiction, probably.
You'll be fine :). No matter what happens, there's going to be some learning and you'll end up being very blessed when you do what you need to do to be true to yourself :).
Hugs :),
SK
Love 
