Problem Solving for Couples

I work, take care of the kids and do most of the housework, I am very tired late at night or early in the morning during the week.  This is when he wants sex because he is not tired then.  If I say I don't want it he pouts and makes passive agressive remarks that make me mad.  If he wants me to want him, why does he attack me verbally?  I know he is hurt, but that is an overreaction in my opinion.

He has problems keeping hard (age, diabetes, overweight) and it just gets to be too much work when I am tired.  How can I tell him without hurting his manlyness?

There's no way to tell him you don't sex with him without hurting his feelings.

"If he wants me to want him, why does he attack me verbally?"

Because at that point in the conversation, he's not trying to appease you, he's appealing to his own frustration and that's how it's manifesting itself... With angry words. It's not constructive but it's a sign of how frustrated he is that he can't do anything to get one of his relationship needs fulfilled.

"I know he is hurt, but that is an overreaction in my opinion."

In your opinion, maybe - But if you understood what he was feeling, you might not think it was such an overreaction. I don't agree that attacking another person is ever right, however, you have an opportunity to see how desperate and frustrated he is. Remember that the ultimate power we women have over men is sex.

I need to know - what have you done to make things better sexually? How often do you have sex? Are you willing to compromise on what time of day you do it so that you're both happy?

You know what? I don't have children, and my job's not stressful. Even my commute's only around 1.5 hours both ways and this is good in the huge city I live and work in. I am a cleanfreak lol so yes, I do a lot of house work, 24/7. My point is, my life seems to be a lot easier than yours. And my bf is absolutely gorgeous, 6.2 and around 180 lbs. I fancy him like mad. He treats me like a queen. And will all of those things, if he expected me to have sex with him every night or every morning, after or before work, I'd be very unhappy with  life. I'd try and 'accomodate'  him for a few weeks. Then I'd get resentful and permanently mad, not to mention exhausted. Eventually the r-ship would disintegrate because either I'd be forced to do what I don't want to on a regular basis or he'd be permanently unhappy. Bottom line is, I sympathise, I think your h is an a** and should be working WITH you, not pouting at you, making c*** remarks and gaining weight. Real life's hard, and most working mothers don't have either time or desire for daily sex and this should be a given to their partners, IMHO.

I cannot tell you what to do or say - just wanted to say I understand.