Jpscuba3 has written a lengthy post within Chriss146's thread. I'm reposting it here so it can get the attention and individual focus it deserves.
Jpscuba3 has previously posted about this issue; the links to those posts are quite lenghty, but contain important information. I've posted the links in my reply to him in the thread that follows this one.
Jpscuba's post is here:
I just got finished reading your posting, and was completely blown away. I fully understand everything you described. My girlfriend and I have been together going on two years now and it has been the best time of my life. I know from the start that the two of us are different but have managed to work together. She is extremely ambitious, and wants and has nothing but the finer things in life. I on the other hand have not pushed and asserted myself, and don't have much to show for it. I knew that if i were to marry her it would be a completely different lifestyle for me, and I would feel as though I need to do better in order to show her I am not lazy or anything. When she first met me I was working three jobs, an d we were not able to spend that much time together. Since that time I am only working one, and we spend time together when permitted. She is not all that crazy about my house as it is smaller than hers, and is in a much different neighborhood. Her house on the other hand is three times the size of mine, and is very roomy and open. She is a corporate executive, and I am a supervisor. She makes three times my salary, ,and while I am not intimidated by that i do want to make a better salary but to be honest don't know how especially during these economic times.
I love her very much, and do everything that I can in my power to show her this, but sometimes I feel as though I fall short. I am not able to shower her with lavish gifts and trips like she has for me, but hope to be able to do so one day. She has done so much for me that it brings tears to my eyes when I thin about it. I have told my parents and other family members about her, and my desire to marry her. They think that it is wonderful and have given me their support. However there is one huge problem, my debt. I have so much and she does not know how it was accumulated, but she has complete control of my finances and has reduced it quite a bit because she is a financial whiz. I know that she would be in control of the money. My whole life has become her, and she even asked me to move with her when she was contemplating relocating. I would not be able to spend that much time with my sons, but figured I could see them in the summer, and during the holidays. Oh before I forget, I have recently taken in my father due to medical reasons, and she said that we could all live with her. He was concerned with me finding another job, and having a place to stay and the children.
Right now she has not called me that much. She said that there are times when she may not feel like talking or she needs some time to herself. I was freaking out the first time, and wrote her this long letter professing my love for her and all, but I think that it was more anxiety. The second time she did not call for a while I left voice messages saying that it would be nice to hear her voice, and took her over some flowers and left them in her bedroom. She gave me keys to her house for Christmas, and I gave her keys to mine as well. Right now I am literally going through hell, and it is causing me health problems. I am awake almost every night at 3:10am with a migraine. I have to take two aspirin, and typically am half awake for the rest of the morning. I know that is is stress, and I need to control it in some e way. i just want to know what she is going through or thinking. I have told her everything about me, and maybe I have said too much. I want her to be able to talk to me about anything and everything, but most of all I just want to be with her, and give her a kiss, and show and tell her that I love her. If she were to leave me I would be devastated, and I have told her that I would never leave her. But I don't want to be someone doormat to be stepped over all of the time. I have put a great deal of time, energy, and effort into this relationship and I am not about to just watch it go down the drain.
I do not mind changing for the relationship, because I know it will and has benefited me already. I believe that she is the right one for me, but at times like this don't know if she thinks the same. if we were to get married and then she left the marriage I would have a nervous meltdown for sure. I just want to share my love with this woman. In some ways I know that she is settling with me, but has told me that she loves me very much. She wants to marry me as well, and I am selling things in hopes of getting her a ring. She has tried to break up with me twice, but each time I talk her out of it. Maybe she sees and knows something that i am too blind to see at this time, because I am so in love with her.
I am burnt out at work completely. I must do something else with my life or I will lose my mind. It is no longer a place I look forward to coming to on a daily basis. I have reached what they call the glass ceiling, and just wish that I had a hammer.
I enjoy driving her places, cutting her grass, washing the car, doing laundry and folding, writing her little notes, buying her flowers when I can, sending her care packages when she is at hotels, and other little things as well. I have always been sensitive, but have even curved that back on my own as well, and feel good about it.
She is not a mean person by no means, but she can be very straight to the point, and this is her strength. I know that she means no harm, and apologizes when she knows that she has done or said something wrong.
I have probably jumped here and there, but I needed to talk it out loud. I know that she is the best thing for me, but want her to be ultimately happy with her decision of me as well. Thanks for listening, and any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.
Jpscuba3, you've been here before about this relationship:
Holding on
and you posted about it on the Relationship Saver board too:
relationship saver
Both posts are quite long, but contain a lot of important information. The first thing I would urge you to do is reread both those posts and the responses you got.
I have a few questions for you:
* You said here that she doesn't know where your large debt came from. Why not? Where does it come from? * When you say she's asked for some time to herself, I gather from your reaction that she's not happy with your relationship right now? If that's true, what is it that bothers her about it? * Do you still have the dog? * You indicate you need to change in order to be right for her. In what ways do you need to change? I may have more questions later, but for now, need those answered before I know where to go from here.
"Ignoring the facts does not change the facts" ~ Author unknown
Love 
