Problem Solving for Couples

I'm obviously a chump.

I had saved up a few refund checks for my b-day. My mom is coming and I didn't want to take $$ out of our budget.

I don't have an account in the state where we live. My husband has an account in the city where he works, an hour from where we live. My name is on his account.

I gave him 3 checks to cash, worth $500. We are a one income family and that's alot of money for us. He said, why don't I deposit them, the cash might get stolen. I said, well, I'd rather just spend the cash and when its all gone, we'll know that we have run out. This as opposed to depositing it, then spending way more than $500 because we don't keep track.

Well, he calls yesterday afternoon and says the cash was stolen from his gymbag. He has lying piece of shyt all over him. Its just so obvious, he's not upset, he's just apologetic. I KNOW this guy. If someone stole $20 from him, he'd be ripshyt, not mopey.

So, I'm a chump. I should have never given him the checks. I'm completely furious, but what can I do in front of the kids? accuse their father of stealing his own money? I'm just mad and sick and every time I look at him I want to throw up. I'm pretending that I'm buying his story (OK, well, not completely, but I haven't confronted him with the lie idea, because he'll say that I'm paranoid or something equally as degrading) for now, until I can figure out what to do.

It just burns me up to think that he can get away with crap like this. If he wasn't the father of my kids, I'd have sent him to hell in a handbasket long ago.

ugh. just had to vent.

Hello everyone!

thanks for all your supportive messages. sorry it was such an angry post. I was so mad I didn't think to moderate my typing.

yes, this is not the first time he's lied. I'm too tired to type them all out.

I confronted him last night and we yelled, but the bottom line was he stuck to his story and we're still out $500. He will report it, of course, but what are the chances of recovering that much cash two days later? next to nil. this is, of course, assuming that it was stolen, which I strongly doubt.

I honestly don't know what he's done with it, or where he would spend it. I shudder to think. He could have just stashed it, who knows. In general, he's a mild mannered guy, and a devoted dad - its just when things like this come up that you wonder what is really going on. My life couldn't be called miserable by any stretch of the imagination, but I definitely don't trust him.

So, I could leave him and support myself and the kids, or I could suck it up, play the game, and pretend to believe that the money was stolen. It makes me nervous to be married to someone so devious, but most of the time he seems pretty normal. In any case, I guess the only thing to do is deposit checks myself next time.

We will still have to spend some money, but its going to hurt the budget alot. The thought briefly crossed my mind to go out and buy myself something pretty - but its pointless - I'll just end up sweating it out trying to pay all we have to pay at the end of the month.

well, I guess this is as resolved as it is going to get. thanks for being there to listen when I was so distraught. hopefully this won't repeat itself (she says, trying not to sound ridiculous).

best,

sophie