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Problem Solving for Couples

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discussion title:
 

DH dropped the bomb on my mom

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message #:
  11832.1
replies:
  5
from:
  suzi1942
date:
  Nov-6 4:51 pm

My husband and i have been married 11 years and have no children.He has 2 from a previous marriage which I never reveled to my family,mostly because his kids don't have anything to do with him because his ex-wife accused him of molesting them and there was never any evidence,but still,that was one of the reasons I never told my family.Now,he has been working at my mothers house the past few day and for some reason decided to drop the bomb and I mean everything including the accusations!!!!I know its probably my fault for keeping this for so long but I feel like we should have either done it together or I should have been the one to tell her.I can't even speak to him right now and no my mom and I have not spoken yet.I'm just like now what???!!!!!
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discussion title:
 

DH dropped the bomb on my mom

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message #:
  11832.2 in response to 11832.1
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  5
from:
  geoteo
to:
  suzi1942
date:
  Nov-7 10:00 am

I assume by "what now?" you mean "how do I perform damage control?" when you don't even know that there's damage.

This story may not matter to your mother, and if it does, you could point out to her that it wasn't your story to tell. It was up to your husband to inform others of this very personal part of his life when he was ready, and for some reason he was ready to tell her the other day.
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discussion title:
 

DH dropped the bomb on my mom

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message #:
  11832.3 in response to 11832.1
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  5
from:
  harmony08  Member Icon
to:
  suzi1942
date:
  Nov-7 10:24 am

I understand not liking the situation and wishing he had not done it. Something about the situation must have made him feel it was the right decision at the time, and he does have his own relationship with her too. I think the only thing you can really do at this point is tell him your worries and concerns, and really listen to his POV. Then talk to your mom. It might not be as bad as you fear. I also like the previous posters comment.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.

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discussion title:
 

DH dropped the bomb on my mom

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message #:
  11832.4 in response to 11832.1
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from:
  cl-2nd_life  Member Icon
to:
  suzi1942
date:
  Nov-9 2:36 am

A belated welcome to the board, Suzi1942 ~

I agree 100% with Geo. This was his personal history to share, not yours to reveal for him. You might also look at it from the angle that it's nice that he felt close/comfortable enough with your mother to share it with her.

"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
~ Author unknown

2nd border

*Edited to correct typographical error*
Edited 11/9/2009 2:37 am ET by cl-2nd_life
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discussion title:
 

DH dropped the bomb on my mom

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message #:
  11832.5 in response to 11832.1
replies:
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from:
  zubin2008
to:
  suzi1942
date:
  Nov-9 8:15 am

If you are happy in your marriage,i guess,it wont affect your mom anymore than you didnt tell her for the only reason( my guess) to not have her form an opinion about your husband and caution you etc ( motherly instinct).
have you spoken to her since you posted here?
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