Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide

I was just going to bump this up, but I also have a difficult time seeing orphan posts, so I'll take the plunge.

All I want to do is curl up in a corner and not have to go out. I want everything to stop. At the same time, I know that this isn't the way that I should be grieving my father, nor would it be the way that he would want to see us.

The contrast of feelings is strange and confusing at best, and sometimes overwhelming. On the one hand the grief is deep and envelops one's self completely, on the other there's a sense of peace because he is at peace and not ailing anymore. On the one hand he's gone, but on the other he's just away. Far away but close.

Today as I was driving back from the bank, I was thinking of how I was a few years ago. I was in a lot of emotional pain then, and whilst I tried to maintain a good posture, inside it always felt as though I was doubled over permanently from the pain. My current grief is different from the old emotional pain.

Thanks Stephanie, for stepping up on this board.  It's been very quiet for a very long time, which I suppose is a good thing given the nature of the board.  Poppy and I are the more "regulars" on this board and we've both had a rough go of it lately.  Poppy, having lost her father, and I, having lost my beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter on Labor Day. 

In answer to your question, "how are you?"  It's a question I am asked countless times a day and I don't know the answer.  I get out of bed every day and go through the motions.  I allow our crazy, family of 7 schedule to dictate.  All of this is good given the fact that I want very much to jump off of this ride.   The pain of losing my baby is incomprehensible.  I miss her, I ache for her, I NEED her back

Thanks again

(((HUGS))) The death of a loved one is always a mixed bag, especially when that loved one was ill before they passed away, so it's understandable that your emotions would be a mixed bag, too. I haven't lost a parent yet, but I've lost others equally close to me and I know that for me it was important to not wallow in my grief but to allow myself to feel whatever I felt when I felt it and work through things until the pain became more bearable.

There really aren't words to express how it feels or to properly convey my sympathies toward you, so I'll just offer up gentle hugs again. (((HUGS))) and be good to yourself, Poppy!

 
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I'm happy to help out when I can, and you're right that it's sort of a good thing that this board is quiet, but at the same time, it's also a good thing to see folks posting again. 

 
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