The Dating Game

I've been dating someone a little over two months now, see each other once or twice a week (we both have custody of our kids), always really great dates. He has been calling me, texting me or e-mailing me every day, usually nothing special, just a check in.

Saturday we had a great date. As we were ending it, he suggested we get together on Sunday to take my dog for a nature walk. I said ok, he said he'd call. He did call Sunday morning, and texted me a few times while he was doing some shopping for his kids. Then a text late that night saying sorry about the walk...basically he blew it off, which surprised me because he has always been very good about keeping his word.

A text late Monday night and then nothing since then.

So what the heck is going on here? Is this the classic rubber banding (I'm not so sure I believe this is a real thing or an excuse for bad behavior) or am I being dumped?

Yes, I know I shouldn't freak out because it's only been two days, but this is very uncharacteristic for this guy, so I am a little confused to say the least.

I get advice to call and say WTF, or advice to sit back and do nothing. While I would like to sit back and do nothing, how long is this supposed to go on for? How am I supposed to feel about this behavior? I mean, I have been "trained" (for lack of a better word) to expect daily contact, so when it gets pulled away (and I don't even get a response to something I sent) what do I do?

Seriously?

If I do not call a woman I have been seeing for two months for two days you freak out?  If it is really bothering you, just call him. 

Gee, rainman, thanks for the sarcasm, that really helps me feel so much better about the situation.

I come here to get some help when I am feeling bad about something. Yeah, I DO feel bad about the situation. I don't understand when I have come to expect a level of contact and then it disappears for no reason. I have been dumped a number of times in not so nice ways, so sometimes when I get that feeling that it is happening again, I feel bad and panic a bit.

Women are told to never call men in this situation...did you know that? So many of us are left to sit and wonder what has happened. If you read these boards enough, you see that this happens all the time. I hope you never have to feel this way.

I'm assuming since you use the term "rubberband" you've read Mars Venus on a Date.  I don't think it's rubberbanding, I think he's going through uncertainty--the timing is about right. 

I'd suggest picking up the book and re-reading it (or reading it for the first time if you haven't yet).

MV stuff aside, I've found right around the 3 month point (give or take) is a very usual time for a change in behavior--it's hard to keep up the "best foot forward" stuff for more than a couple months.  So I wouldn't necessarily read anything into it.  But that's part of the reason I try NOT to get into the habit of daily contact early on, even if the guy seems to want to (since it's up to the woman to set the pace and slow things down).

Let him be and if you haven't heard anything from him by, say, Sunday, give him a call and just say you're touching base to see how he is, without bringing up his lack of contact, and see what happens.  Sometimes guys will feel that you'll be mad at them for the lack of contact so they will avoid calling you for fear of that (at least that's what John Gray says--big babies, I say, LOL).

BTW, if you're not a John Gray fan or want another resource, another really good book that talks about the stages of dating and how this pulling away is so typical is A Fine Romance by Judith Sills.