The Dating Game

I actually met a guy through eHarmony (I know it sounds lame but I kind of like it in a way).  We went out on a date and he was great and we have gone out on a lot more since then.  He has been a perfect gentlemen this whole time, holding doors, he held the umbrella when I walked, has been very nice.  We both want to travel and we love hanging out.  I really like him.

Our last date was two Mondays ago.  We went to dinner near my apartment and had a great time.  Since he has been a great guy I asked if he wanted to hang out at my apartment after and just watch TV or something.  (I wasn't insinuating anything sexual at all)

We were watching TV and he got up to go and he gave me a kiss goodbye and then we continued kissing and we ended up making out (which for the record..I don't mind AT ALL). He started wanted to go further and putting his hands up my shirt, etc. and I finally stopped it and said that I don't mind making out but wanted to take things slow and didn't want to have sex.  He stopped and said that's fine, he's waited before.  We continued to make out (first mistake) and he said (and this is embarassing.lol) 'Can I touch your boob if I promise not to have sex?'.  I didn't know what to say so I just said 'Ok'. So he did, but he tried to take it further and tried to unbutton my pants and I said 'No' and he said 'We can still have fun and not have sex'.  It went a lot further than I wanted and I feel so ashamed.  I should have stopped it after the first time but it kept going.

He was going out of town a few days later for a week and a half and said he would call me when he got back.  I haven't heard from him and he got back yesterday. I was afraid of that.  I can't help but feel it was my fault for leading him on.  I made him think I wanted it and then said I didn't.  I really liked him and now I'll probably never go out with him again.

You're worried about not hearing from a guy who didn't understand "no"?

WHY?

I guess I just felt a real connection with him.  He also wanted some of the same things I did such as traveling and sports.  I was really looking forward to getting to know him and having someone to hang out with on a regular basis that really liked me.

I had also sent him an email saying that I apologized if I led him on but that I really liked him and wanted it to work and thought it was too soon to have sex.  I also asked what he thought.

He said he had a lot on his mind and would get back to me when he was back in town.  I figure if he doesn't get back to me after telling him I like him, then maybe he wasn't worth it anyways.

You know, it's kind of like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You're attracted, you're not ready for full-on sex, but you'd like more than a sweet kiss goodnight. It's a tough balance, I think, especially when you are are at his place or your place. I've decided it's much better (early on) to make out on the hood of a car in the parking lot rather than in your living room, LOL.

You didn't lead him on, but I understand how you feel. You've been honest with him now, so it's just a matter of waiting to see what happens. Hopefully you can get past any awkwardness and get to know each other better. Don't beat yourself up about this.

So well said, had to write and tell you.

Plus, I swear, it doesn't just go away and get easy when you're older. It's still the same ole stuff.

I liked your: "I've decided it's much better (early on) to make out on the hood of a car in the parking lot rather than in your living room."

Yes, and the park works too and also a bench by the river. Right on!