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discussion title:
 

Being the "other" girl...

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message #:
  34281.1
replies:
  3
from:
  jlr1120
date:
  Oct-19 1:40 am

Ok so I'll try to make this story as short as possible. I'm a 22 year old woman. I work with a woman that I became close with. She has a girl friend. They live together and are raising a child together and have been together for a year. I'm a single mom of two kids. Me and this girl first started talking as friends and she approached me as more, saying that her and her girlfriend's relationship was basically over for good. We started talking as more then friends, then that escalated to her cheating on her girlfriend with me at work..to having a work affair and telling me she's fallen in love with me. I know I feel horrible for letting it go that far, but when we first started talking...her and her girl weren't supposed to be together anymore. Problem is, I caught feelings for her...and now, I've tried to cut it off more than once because I know the whole thing isn't right for any of us and I keep getting myself hurt. Each time I try to cut it off..she cries and tells me how much she loves me and that she doesn't wanna lose me. I ask why she loves her girl. She says she's not in love with her but she loves her because she takes care of her. I ask her why she loves me. She claims to love me because I accept her for who she is and she can be herself around me, because I listen to her, care for her, I bring out the positive in her. I guess I just want everyone's opinion and if anyone else has been in the same situation..advice. I love this girl. She claims to love me and shows it in certain ways. But she won't leave her girl and I don't know why. It doesn't make sense to me. I've never cheated on anyone..and I just don't understand how you can claim to be in love with someone, and miserable with the other and then stay with the one that makes you miserable. This has been going on for about 5 months now.
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discussion title:
 

Being the "other" girl...

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message #:
  34281.2 in response to 34281.1
replies:
  3
from:
  bitemex5
to:
  jlr1120
date:
  Oct-19 11:12 am

And where is this OK with youu had an affair with some one who is still with some one. You are just as at fault. Where is it OK for you to do this??? As far as the gal...she chooses to stay ..have her cake and eat it to. And good lord there are KIDS involved??? Does any one ever think about how this is going to effect them? If she really loved you she would have left the other erson a long time ago.
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discussion title:
 

Being the "other" girl...

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message #:
  34281.3 in response to 34281.1
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from:
  undercovercrab
to:
  jlr1120
date:
  Oct-19 11:43 am

jlr, sometimes it's necessary to accept something even without it making sense to you - The reality is that this woman has a different brain than you do, a different way of thinking, and her first instinct is to do things that feel good to her even if they don't make sense to you. I can't tell you exactly why she can't leave this other person, there is SOMETHING that makes her stay and my guess would be "familiarity"... But the truth is, you have a choice in your own life just as she does in hers. You are choosing to stay in this situation where you're not fully happy, and she is doing the same. You are in love, sure, but even if you don't have control over another woman's feelings and thoughts and perceptions, you do have control over whether or not you're going to let yourself stay in a situation that isn't very good for you.
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