Where do I even start?
I am 30 years old, and for some unknown reason, have not had luck in any way finding a partner.
I have tried everything - every online dating service you can think of, even paying close to $1,000 for a local dating service that I was a member of for over a year that did nothing for me.
All my life, since waaaay back when I was a little boy, I dreamed of growing up and getting married and having a family. I never, ever would have predicted during those times that I would still be single at 30 with love no where in site.
Here is what is sad. I have been out of high school now for 12 years. All of my high school friends are now married, and have been for years. All of the kids I played with on my street growing up, are now married, some with children, who are 4 and 5 years old. I have literally NO family members left who are single. That's right, all my cousins, step cousins, everyone in my family, are involved in a relationship of some kind. Last week, I found out that my cousin, who is 20, is now engaged, leaving me the only single member of my family.
I have looked everywhere, even going so far as to look up and call people "I have not talked to since i was in my single digit ages hoping SOMEONE out there might be a possible companion. They are all involved in relationships.
Recently, I was looking at the weddings and engagements section of the newspaper in my home town that I grew up in. You can see all of the listings from the past 5 years. I recently looked at the entire listings, and I just got depressed when I saw many of the names. Many of the names I saw were kids I knew when I was 12 or 13, who were only 5 or 6 years old when I knew them.
WHY is this happening to everyone but ME? I am so tired of seeing everyone ELSE go off living the life that I wanted, while I just sit here placed on the shelf. Imagine being this age and still single and seeing people 10 and 12 years younger than you getting out of high school and getting married. It's not an easy pill to swallow.
What ticks me off is that I consider myself a nice guy who would do everything i could to be loving to my family and take very good care of them. I have been a good person all my life, and considering the hand I've been dealt, I really should have been different.
When I turned 18 and left the house and went off tocollege, I was the "good kid" who didn't go out drinking and partying, causing trouble, and sleeping around, and I got made fun of constantly for not going out and "living it up". I took pride in the fact that I was not like them, and thought that one day I'd eventually meet the girl of my dreams and she would be proud of the fact that I was not like that, and would some day have kids and HONESTLY be able to tell them that I never went out and did the stuff that kids do today.
Had I know I was going to be this age and still single, to be honest, I would have just gone out and lived it up like everyone else. I should have gone out and lost my virginity and had fun like all the rest of them...but I didn't because I wanted it to happen out of love. I wanted to meet someone and have my first time be with someone who it was also their first time. The chances of that happening now? Ummm.......pretty slim.
It really makes me mad, because everyone else is going out and having sex for the first time at 12 and 13 years old, and I decided to hold off until I met my partner, and here I am all this time later, still a virgin. What did i get for holding off? Absolutely nothing. I did what I thought was the right thing and now here I am.
I know of absolutely no one my age who is single. people tell me I need to get out of my house and do stuff, but where do you go? I have no friends to do things with, and I'm not about to go out doing them alone. It's embarrasing.
It's not like I NEVER leave my house anyway - i do the normal things in life that everyone does........get gas, grocery shop, go to work, yadda yadda. WHY, during this normal course of life have I not met anyone?
If I'm not going to meet someone running my normal course of life, why would I meet someone by going out doing things I wouldn't be out doing if I had a partner? Most people by the time they are my age, get up, go to work, and come home. They have families. I've even tried joining up with singles groups at church......I was the youngest one there. Every one else was in their 50's.
Today, I have pretty much decided that I am going to change my attitude from being this nice person I feel I've been all my life, to being an A-hole. Being nice has gotten my nowhere as far as my love life is concerned, so screw everything, and screw this world. No one cares about me enough to give me a chance at companionship, either because they have someone already, or are not interested. So why should I care about anyone myself?
All I've ever wanted was to find my companion to share life with, and be happy, but no. Here I sit at 30, watching everyone else years younger, go out and start their happy lives. my parents have been happily married for 40+ years, and I wanted the same. But here I sit, sleeping in an empty bed, driving a car with an empty seat, and living life alone.
Everyone tells me to just give it time and it will happen some day. but why? why didn't "it" happen YEARS ago when I was in my early 20's like it does for everybody else? Maybe I was never meant to be put on the face of this stupid planet. Who knows. All I know is that I'm tired, frustrated,and fed up with being alone. How much longer can this go on?
Love 
