you are here: iVillage Love Love message boards Ask the Dating Doyenne  / Dating Advice & Support  / 

Ask the Dating Doyenne

138932 messages posted to this board • 7 messages posted today
find messages about   
welcome!
 
last visit to this board
Oct-30


add to friends
ignore posts
discussion title:
 

Rekindle old flame???

emoticon:
 emoticon
message #:
  34303.1
replies:
  3
from:
date:
  Oct-30 2:15 pm

I've reconnected with my ex recently, and I think we both still have feelings for each other... LONG DISTANCE?

I dated this guy back in 2002. We recently reconnected when he invited me out to visit him for a weekend. A few months ago I ended a five year relationship, and the trip was a nice get away from all of the drama with my breakup.

We had a great time just hanging out, we didn't plan a whole lot of activities. It did take a little bit to warm up to each other again, because it had been three years since we had seen each other. He lives by himself and works full time, and I will graduate in May. He kept hinting that I should move to where he lives when I'm done with school, but I don't know if it was a joke or something real. We didn't kiss, didn't fool around or anything, we just fell asleep "spooning" on the couch and took a nap. That was it- nothing more.

Ever since I've gotten back home, he's been randomly texting me and I cannot stop thinking about him. We have such a fun and relaxing relationship with each other and I am starting to have feelings for him again... however I don't know how it could work long distance... He lives five states away!

He keeps texting me things that make me feel like he has the same feelings for me again... am I nuts? He travels alot for work and is always keeping me updated on where he is (which I find kind of wierd) but then he always says something like "Just telling you where I am in case you want to come visit".
I'm so confused. I just don't know how it would work and I'm too afraid to bring it up without looking like a freak.
 
We were both young before (18) and he was looking to transfer to another school. Neither of us were mature enough to be in a serious relationship, let alone one that was across state lines . His hometown in IL is an hour away from mine, and I told him that he better look me up when he comes home for Christmas... his reponse was "Trust me, you'll be the first one to know".
 
Do I wait it out, see him over Christmas and then go from there? After graduation, I have nothing tying me down, however I also am not going to move half way across the country on a whim or "possible" relationship.
 
Any advice? Do I talk to him about it?
last visit to this board
8:49 am


messages posted
this board
260

add to friends
ignore posts
discussion title:
 

Rekindle old flame???

emoticon:
 emoticon
message #:
  34303.2 in response to 34303.1
replies:
  3
from:
to:
date:
  Oct-30 5:52 pm

You two may have rekindled a chemistry together, but honestly, that's all - Being far different people than who you were back when you dated, teenagers, there isn't much substance underneath the surface here; you are going based on a feeling you get when you're together. It may be strong but in and of itself, it doesn't mean a whole lot. Five states away is far. Sooner or later, reality would find its way into the relationship. I've had a couple of LDRs and after those experiences, I would never ever advise someone to start a relationship long-distance. The first stage of a relationship needs to be spent when you can see one another face-to-face often enough to let something develop naturally.

"I also am not going to move half way across the country on a whim or "possible" relationship."
I don't blame you. But this is sort of your answer, right here.

I don't think there's anything freakish about talking to him about this at all.

last visit to this board
Nov-15


messages posted
this board
513

add to friends
ignore posts
discussion title:
 

Rekindle old flame???

emoticon:
 emoticon
message #:
  34303.3 in response to 34303.1
replies:
  3
from:
to:
date:
  Oct-31 7:43 pm

it depends on why you broke up to begin with - can you provide more detail?
Change the number of messages
displayed on this page in
Indicate your interest in the discussion
   
Get updates to this discussion
delivered by email