I have some confusing male behaviour I'd love to interpret or clarify.
I will begin by saying that I am the Manager of a successful intercollegiate fencing team here in Canada, which is also open to recreational club members. This is a job I have done for about a year, and love it; it is also where I met my current romantic interest (and no, there are no rules against me dating people on the team... I've checked).
I'll call him Alex. He is new to the team, but not a student; he is, however, a couple of years younger than me (for what it's worth). I definitely took notice of him right away when we met in September; he is extremely attractive and seemed to want to banter right away, although our contact was fairly limited between then and our first away tournament at the beginning of October. I didn't necessarily think too much of our relationship (aside from really enjoying the view) until that tournament, when I started to get the distinct impression that he was interested in me. As Manager, I try to help out the other athletes by going for coffee and lunch runs when I am not fencing myself; Alex began inviting himself out to coffee runs with me, and I was a little taken aback by his intensity in asking me questions about myself and wanting to talk about everything under the sun. I discovered that we have an astounding amount in common, and he is very much a pleasure to talk to. I also noticed that, after these talks, he would find a way to sit or stand near me whenever possible, and I would feel him looking at me the rest of the time. Pretty obvious, I felt. We sat together on the bus ride home and his leg was touching mine for most of the trip despite having more than enough room to ourselves. After this point we also started up a fairly extensive email correspondence about our common interests. The inevitable Facebook invite arrived in my inbox.
Because I do want to avoid seeming like I am playing favourites and am sometimes prone to shyness, myself, I try not to hang around Alex all the time or constantly be striking up conversations with him at practices. However, he does usually come talk to me and seems sweetly nervous most of the time; he also tends to back off when there are other people around. A couple of weeks ago, thinking I would get the ball rolling, I invited him out to a concert we both wanted to see, but that I had found out about at the last minute. He didn't get back to me before the show but brought it up the next day, when we were en route to another tournament. He asked how the show was and expressed disappointment at missing it, because he hadn't gotten my email until it was too late. I should add that I had included my phone number in the email to allow him to contact me more quickly if he wanted to come to the show.
The next day, at the tournament, Alex barely spoke to me, which is understandable when someone is fencing. I didn't really think much of it, although secretly I was disappointed, because he was leaving the venue early to make it home in time for a concert. When I took a break from my own fencing event to check my phone messages, I found a number of texts from a mystery number that turned out to be his. I gently teased him about bothering me while I was fencing when he'd ignored me all morning, and joked that he was probably just bored at the train station, and he responded by saying, "I could say the same thing to you... is your event THAT boring though? And I'm not bored, I'm calm." He explained that when fencing he tends to zone out. We texted back and forth a bit more over the weekend, but he kind of petered off on his end and I left it alone. I felt it was saying something that he had copied my number out of that email for a reason other than which it had been intended, but obviously I was flattered.
At practice a few days later, we did not really speak until the end of the night, when I offered him a ride home; I had borrowed my mother's car to help me with my recent move, and was returning it to her that night. She lives very close to Alex. However, Alex turned me down saying he had another stop to make before home and didn't want to take me so far out of my way, even though I wouldn't have minded a 5 minute detour. Not bothering to insist overmuch, we chatted for a few minutes instead and again I felt there was a certain level of nervousness in his conversation. Eventually I had to cut the chat short because I was already close to midnight and I had a lengthy drive ahead of me before even being able to come home.
Yesterday, I found out that a DJ we both like was doing a secret show; I texted Alex to invite him and was turned down yet again. He said he had a friend's birthday to go to. I jokingly said that I was reaching my quota of things to invite him to before I'd be crushed by the constant rejection, and he laughingly responded by saying he was usually hard to get a hold of on account of having too many committments. I left it at that and told him to have a fun night.
I should point out, here, that I have never felt rejected by his, well... rejections. I'm not really the suspicious type and his reasons seemed genuine enough. The reason why I am posting this here is because I am not really sure how to proceed, and because I find his behaviour somewhat confusing. I feel so sure of his interest when we are together (especially given the fact that he has not made remotely the same effort to get to know anyone else on the team), but can't figure out why he has not tried to make any direct advances or ask me out. Although he doesn't seem like a shy person, his conversation and demeanour when he comes up to talk is a little too nervous to suggest that he is just messing with my head. I considered that perhaps he is nervous about asking me out as well, which is why I tried to meet him halfway by inviting him out to things... But I do find it a little weird that he has never attempted to make alternate plans to get together. I must acknowledge that I do not know whether or not he has a girlfriend, although based on conversation and Facebook (preliminary glance only, honest), this doesn't seem to be the case; I have avoided asking him myself because it always seems off-topic and a little too indicative of my own interest.
Does anyone have suggestions about how I should proceed with this one? I hate the game-playing and feel a little too old for it, but at the same time I don't want to be overly aggressive or the only one making moves. Let's face it, it's nice to get asked out once and a while, even if you've been dropping the hints. Sometimes I wonder whether my interest is obvious to him at all, since I am frequently accused of being too subtle, but at the same time I am wary of coming across as desperate by inviting him out (and being turned down) to something new each week. I would really like the opportunity to get to know Alex outside of a team setting, and I sense that he does too, but I'm a little frustrated by the lack of progress.
Thanks for taking the time to read my tale.
Love 
