The other night MIL and FIL stopped by. MIL started looking around our kitchen at our food. She "worries" and "mothers" over my partners health all the time. So she starts going on about how he has a predisposition to diabetes and how he should stay away from carbs. Then she comes to me and asks "Do you do most of the shopping?" I say "we both do, it just depends..." She says "Can you help him by not buying so many carbs?" I tell her "He's going to eat whatever he wants."
What irritates the he!! out of me is that this woman treats me like I'm persona non grata. Like I should have absolutley no control, no input, and have absolutely NOTHING to say when her son wants to spend money foolishly, wants to do something fun for himself, or make a decision without my input, even if it will effect me and our dd or our lives, negatively in some way. I should act as if I don't exist and his decisions have no effect on my life, and he's some free agent to do as he pleases, with no thought or input from me, YET if he's doing something that is self destructive or bad for his health, I'M supposed to do something to "help him?!?!" How on earth is it even humanly possible to do something like this? Not interfere in someones life, AT ALL, except just the RIGHT times?!?! Seriously?!?! What total freekin BS. How totally absurd. I can't believe that for nine years this woman has treated me like I'm nothing but a hindrance, bother and if nothing else "the source of everything wrong in his life" and yet she has the nerve to ask me to take control of his eating habits. I'm sorry, but if he chooses to suck down sodas and eat pastries when there are other options in the house.....NOT MY PROBLEM!!!!! He's the one buying them, not me.
She's an idiot. I was just flabbergasted that she even considered "asking" me. This is a woman that was cheering a year ago when he was going to abandon me and dd and she basically told me I had no right to even bother trying to talk to the father of my child about WHY he was doing it. Now she wants me to monitor his eating habits....and get him to wear sunscreen (I bought it, does she expect me to rub it on him for Gods sake?!?), but nothing else of course......
His mother really needs to lay off. I think I would just start humoring her by saying "OK," "uh-huh," etc. Basically, just go along with what she says when she is talking, and then basically do what you want. I'm sure it is hard to listen to that all the time, but arguing with her isn't gonna work and telling her that he is going to eat what he wants isn't working either.
She was cheering that her son was going to abandon you and you still have contact with her?
First of all, your husband should be kissing your feet that you allowed him to come back.
Second of all, I would tell her off royally, then have nothing to do with her again. Tell her to mind her own damn business. That you are not your husband's keeper. Tell her that she needs to address her concerns with her son, since she has deemed that you are not important enough to have a say in anything else in your marriage, and she doesn't support the marriage anyway, since she was cheering when he left a year ago. And that you no longer have time for her stupidity, cruelty, and evil ways.
The way you described your situation reminds me of kids of divorce playing parents off each other to get attention and material items. Mom is one parent and you are the other.
I think your dh is involving his parents (mom esp) in too much of his day to day life. HOw on earth does this woman know what you guys are spending your money on or that he is feelign whiny inside b/c you said he coudln't have something? or that you told him now for xyz reasons.
Who does your dh think he is sharing all the details of your marriage w/ his mommy? He should visit w/ them - talk to them about the great things the kids are doing, success you and he have had at work, how you are going to spend the weekend, etc and THAT"S IT!!! She doesn't need to know the things you discuss in detail. For heavens sake. And if she asks him something speciifc such as - son, why didn't you buy such and such I know you wanted it. He needs to say, lucy and I discussed it and decided now isn't the time. Simple as that - end of discussion. SErioiusly, what does he do whine to his mommY?
I think you have a closet mamas boy on your hands. I think your issue is with HIM and not her. She should be on a need to know basis - as for her going through yoru cabinets and stuff - STRANGE!!!!!! With her comments about how to properly care for him just say, thank you, that is good advice. I mean, what else can she say to that!!!
***I think you have a closet mamas boy on your hands.***
It ain't even in the closet.
The funny thing is that when she does these things he rolls his eyes and acts irritated but he doesen't stop her either. He doesen't see this intrusive behavior as abnormal. But, then again, he doesen't see quite a few things as abnoraml, that I do either. (Related to his brother and SIL as well.)
We ended up in counseling last year when he was going to leave, and yeah, he had been pretty much complaining about me and our problems, to everyone, but me. To me he's been saying everything is great, everything is fine until he told me "I'm leaving, there is nothing to talk about, I might write you a note someday and tell you why. I'm not paying child support. I'm not helping you pay any of the bills this month. It's over." (I guess I was supposed to be able to read his mind about what he was unhappy about or I'm supposed to be reallly intrusive or just not believe him when he tells me everything is okay.) Then I found out from his dad he was planning on going to Australia, so there would basically be no way to get child support anyway. All of this with his moms full support, because he "needed to do this to become the man he was meant to become and hasn't been able to, because I'm (me) such a strong woman." gag.
It is really all I can do to tolerate these people. They are his family, he loves them, and I just try to be polite and as impersonal as possible. I think if I forced him to choose between them and me and dd, he'd choose them and our dd really loves her daddy, so, you know, sometimes you eat dirt for your kid. I don't see them that much. When they ask "How are you." My answer is something really basic "I'm fine...the weather is good." You know, nothing really ABOUT me. I've gone through cancer biopsies and everythign without ever mentioning it to these people.
For the most part, I don't think he talks to them about "us" so much any more. But because she has no boundries with her son, she thinks nothing of being intrusive. We have been remodeling our house, so he was showing her the work we'd been doing. It didn't really include our FOOD as part of the tour, but......... I just find it absurd that she doesen't want me to influence any decision he makes for himself unless it's something SHE wants for him, then she puts the responsibility on me.
Love 
