Dealing with In-Laws

Hello. MIL is a thorn in my (our)side. DH and I have been married 4 years, and she'd gotten progressively worse. We have recently moved across the country for jobs, so I really don't have to deal with her anymore, thank the lord. I planned a surprise 40th bday weekend and party for DH in our old town with all of his family and friends. It was a wonderful weekend planned with things just for him. MIL made it miserable, and nearly ruined his party! She has a whole host of undiagnosed mental problems, and it was apparent to everyone at the party, as she would but into conversations and talk about nothing pertinant to the conversation till it would stop. She was openly hostile to her daughter at the party, so much so that many guests commented on it. The next day at brunch the behavior continued. I told DH after that I wanted nothing more to do with her if she can't learn to shut her mouth when it's not appropriate to talk. Fast forward a few months and we find out that some of my family that I rarely see are coming to our old town for the holiday. DH and I are going back for the whole week of Thanksgiving. I told him I don't want his mother at my family dinner, if it were just my immediate family, they can deal with her, but not my extended family that I rarely see. Well, he "forgot" I said that and we had a big blow out last night about it. He was telling me that SIL and MIL are on the outs (again) and SIL won't invite mil to thanksgiving, which was fine, since we're having her over. I was like...HUH??? So, now he's pissed because his mom will have to be by herself on thanksgiving or he can go to her house or take her out without me, those are his two options. Am I being unreasonable? I told him he's perfectly welcome to spend the day with her but it will be without me.

Shanna

She pretty much did this to herself so it's not on anyone's shoulders except hers. He visits her for Thanksgiving it's rewarding bad behavior.

Thanksgiving is a few weeks away so unless you have to decide this right.this.second. I would hold off and see where emotions are closer to the day if there has been a lot of back and forth over past holidays.

No your not wrong, she made her bed and he needs to pull up his big boy panties and deal with it. My dh does this crappo to me all of the time. I want to go screaming into the night all of the time.

~Sam

wow, the woman is obnoxious but deal with her? I don't think so. She didn't say he couldn't spend time with his mother, she just said she won't and she won't subject her family to it either.

There's no way I'd have this person over to my family's celebration either.

To the OPP, don't do it, she's made her bed, let her deal with it. Your husband isn't happy with the solution you gave him because then it puts him in the line of her fire with no buffer. Too bad.