Dealing with In-Laws

Tell your husband that it is ridiculous that you spend EVERY weekend with his family.

I would be livid. My inlaws take up enough of our time. If they demanded every weekend, we would get nothing done and have no family time with our own kids.

I would compromise, at first. I would let it be known that you are only available for one or two weekends a month. Then, I would insist that the phones not be answered on the weekends that you are "not available".

If DH doesn't like it, then perhaps he ought to move back "home" with Mommy and Daddy.

I agree w/ pp. You and dh need to decide which weekend a month will be "their" weekend. When they call and ask for things or to see him then he needs to say, "we are planning on visiting you on x weekend. Make me a list!" Then on that weekend he can go see them and work on the list. Anything not done goes on the list for next month. ONly go once per month (I think twice is too much unless they are invalid or something).

That is what my dad does w/ his mother. Dad is in  FL and his mom is in NY. He goes up every 2 months to work on the list (that apparently no one who LIVES in NY can help her with - see, they only want to do fun things like take her to eat and go shopping. God forbid they hang up her storm windows or unclog a drain). so dad does it. of course, she calls the MOMENT she needs something but knows she'll have to wait (dad will call workman if needed before his scheduled time). I think you shoudl do the same. Doesn't matter than you live closer than FL to NY. Same principal applies - YOU HAVE A LIFE.

And the wife- she can go w/ you or have a weekend to herself. Personally, I'd rather have the weekend to myself when possible. Let us know how it goes.

Tell them no, it won't work for you. Practice saying this so it won't come out weak.

No, we have plans. How about next weekend? I can plan that for you.

No, thank you we don't need you to take us out to dinner, you'll need that money for later on after you retire!

My MIL was the same way and now we see her maybe once a month because weekend are for my family, not the extended families. I have too much going on in my life and on the weekends to run about unless it is PLANNED.

Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I experienced a similar situation with my MIL always wanting us around.  So, I can relate to your pain. 

MIL used to call constantly throughout the week asking for help at her house in one way or another.  There was always something she had to show us or tell us, in person.  There was always a list of things that needed done.  My DH's "honey do list" never came from me - there was no room on the paper after MIL was done.  LOL.  She also consumed much of our time on the weekends as well.  We would be there so late on weekends that we would end up sleeping over and we only lived 10 minutes away.  On the weekends that we were not with her and out on our own, she would page my DH as if she were having an emergency so we would have to go to her place from wherever it was we were at.  Of course, it never really was an emergency.  When she knew we were at my parent's house she would call their house asking to speak with DH and then we would have to leave my parent's place because she need XYZ.

One of the first things we did to resolve our situation was to cut off her access to us.  My DH got rid of his pager and explained to her that cell phones are for EMERGENCIES ONLY!  We do not accept calls from her when we are at other people's houses unless it is an emergency. 

So, my advice to you is to become less accessible to your IL's.  I'm not saying to shut them out completely or to not be helpful when they truly need you to be there.  I'm saying, plan things for you and your DH to do that does not involve going to IL's house every single weekend.  Go on romantic, weekend excursions with your DH or plan day trips for the two of you. 

IL's will continue to do this to you and your DH as long as you allow them to.  They need to realize that you two need to grow as your own family unit and bond as a married couple.  Yes, they can be a part of your lives.  But, they don't need to be so OVERWHELMING.  Make plans with friends on weekends.  Have card parties, game nights, movie nights, etc.  When IL's call, say thank you for the invite but we already have plans.  Will next week work for you?  I'm sure that it will.  LOL.

They might not like the fact that their little boy isn't as accessible in the beginning, but if they want to continue having a relationship with the two of you they need to learn to respect some boundaries and realize that their little boy is now a man.  Good luck!!! Keep me posted.