My husband recently changed jobs, which meant better pay, but a slightly longer drive to work. Therefore, we sold the house we were living in and bought one closer to his work. During the process of finding this house, the mention of having his mother move in with us came into the conversation, one which she was included in, so it wasn't a private conversation. At first, we were just playing with the idea (ie: she wouldn't be alone in the town she lived in, she would have access to a car since she doesn't have one, she could help out with the kids and the mortgage, etc). Well...the house we just bought just seemed to fall into our laps. The house was a great price, lots of room, close to a good school, and the next thing I knew, we were moving in with all of our belongings AND my MIL!!!
Okay...now it's been about 2 weeks since she's moved in with us and I think I'm losing my mind! I have lost all privacy, I can't run my house like I want too, she's VERY loud, and I feel like I have to stay upstairs all day long just to get away from her!!! It's not like the woman doesn't have room of her own! She has the entire 1/2 basement that has a den, bedroom, and bathroom. However, she's always, for the lack of a better phrase, "up my butt!" I'm not a loud person, she is, she smokes like a chimney, and she's driving me crazy. (She smokes outside, but the smell follows her in. It wouldn't be SO bad, but I've recently quit smoking and want nothing to do with it, but here she is smoking all the time and that drives me crazy too!!!)
I guess I need to vent! But I also need to know how to go about things with this woman. She wears her feelings on her sleeves, if you say one thing like "keep it down please," it's the end of the world! Having her move out at this point isn't an option (at least not at the moment)! What do I do??????
Hmmm. Personally, I'd take whatever job, or 2nd job or 3rd job or become an exotic dancer or SOMETHING to make enough to get this mil out of my house. I would get her an apt and pay her rent if I had to. But that's just me.
I am also a person who wears their feelings on their sleeve, but you know what. People like "us" are also caring people. So, when you critize us or "discuss" issues w/ us we are gonna cry, have drama, or get mad - whatever we are prone to - but I'd like to think that person will get over it. I mean, really - she can eitehr get over it or MOVE OUT!!!! Looks likea win win situation to me.
I say have a family meeting, if you have kids then include them. Be specific about what you want and how long you expect her to live w/ you and have a specific date for move out in mind. Discuss all this w/ your dh BEFORE the family meeting so that the two of you do your compromising in private and present a united front to her.
Seriously, if that doesn't work - get that job dancing on the bar at the edge of town and buy her an apt. lol
I absolutely agree with the previous poster. This was probably a bad idea in hindsight but what's done is done....now, how to move on.
Have a three person meeting - and write out the things that need to be discussed. Like - your business is your business. Make sure your DH gets this. No private conversations between the two of you in front of MIL. Also, MIL needs to agree to spend evenings on a whole down in her area. She's got a TV I'm sure a lounge area etc....It's just what's got to be done. Tell her and don't be shy. You are a very private person - like your quiet alone time and the only way this is going to work is if she can agree to the terms. Otherwise - give her 30 days to find another place. Lastly, set a realistic time for her to move out and don't be shy about addressing it. I would take some of the money she's contributing and put it aside to help her move out.
There's no way I'd have my own mom living with me and my MIL - that would probably put me in the looney bin - or even worse - my own private jail cell...I guess we'll be seeing you a lot on this board over the next few months -LOL - posting is better than going crazy :).
Having a relative move in with you is a great challenge. What you need a "ground rules" to get along with everyone, including:
1)Layout SPECIFICALLY what bills or how much money you expect MIL to contribute toward household expenses every month with a 'due date" so you aren't letting her "borrow" from you. In other words, "We expect you to contribute "X" amount of money each month. We EXPECT this to paid to us (in cash, whatever) each time you get your SSN check (or whatever she gets).
2)Initiate and insist on a "knock before entering" policy, i.e. she doesn't just barge into another room when the door is shut, bedroom, bathroom, office, etc. It's just polite when you have others living under your roof to "knock" and wait for a reply. Be sure you restate this policy if its violated. In other words, don't let her get away with just walking in on you, you have to say "We have a knock-knock policy in this house. Knock on a closed door before you open it."
3)Do your own laundry, make your own meals, clean your own space - in other words, make sure she isn't using you for a maid service. Tell her flat out, "You are responsible for your own laundry, meals (if she's not eating with family) and maintenance of your own bedroom/bath, etc.
4)No Smoking Indoors allowed. I'd extend this mean the cigarette has to be completely smoked and stubbed out OUTside. She can't "take the last puff" on the way in. Also, insist she launder her clothes to reduce the odor.
5)Set down "volume rules" in the house, i.e. no LOUD TALKING, keep it down, be considerate of the others in this house, etc. There's no other way to say it, so just say it. If this woman chooses to live with you (and I believe its always a choice not always a "must", then she needs to adjust to you as much as you adjust to her.) I'd also go so far as to say to her "We sleep until X time these days or weekends. We do not want to be awakened by loud talking or noise beforet his time. These hours are QUIET TIME in the house."
If she doesn't like the ground rules she always has the option of moving out to her own place. Remind her of that if she gets cantankerous or violates the rules.
Love 
