Dealing with In-Laws

Hi everyone,

Quick question - need opinions.  For Thanksgiving, I've invited all of my immediate family and quite a lot of DH's family immediate and extended.  There will be 30 something in all.  They all plan to come and I'm hoping to have a good time - I love to host parties sometimes.

Here's my question.  For Christmas, I don't plan on hosting.  Will be just my family, my mom and maybe my sister and BIL.  My IL's are all close and to my knowledge will be in town.  Maybe not, they don't usually tell us much.  But, I invited them like 6 weeks in advance for Thanksgiving.  If they are in town, I believe what will happen is that last minute we'll get a call - maybe the week of Christmas and it'll be something like - oh, we're having Christmas at our house if you guys want to come.  If they would tell us at Thanksgiving, I'd be more than happy to come - but I feel the last minute invite is just rude. 

My gut tells me to just see how it plans out and then if they haven't said anything - until the week of Christmas to decline based on it's last minute and all.

Any good way to say - Thank you but since we haven't heard anything you guys were doing we went ahead and made out own plans....or is there some other way to say it.  And, would love to get my point across -

Do you feel that waiting til the week of Christmas is rude?  I fell it is I just want to see if I'm OCD about planning and that lots of people wait till the last minute.

We are hosting Christmas this year,and we told the family over a month ago. I am already slowly preparing for the celebration.

No, I do not think you are unreasonable. You are free to tell them that you made your own plans and that you will not be able to come. I strongly suggest not mentioning the "since we did not hear from you..." part. Puts a blame on them.

You can always come visit them the next day, bring them some cake and exchange gifts.

Now, the bit question is what does your DH think about the subject?

I totally think it's rude.

I too am hosting Thanksgiving, I sent invites to my family and certain members of DH's family mid-Oct (DH's family thought it was SO weird that I sent invitations to family - I thought it would be fun for everyone to get something in the mail that wasn't a bill - my family complimented me on it). DH's family mostly declined, and my whole family is coming. DH's family is just like yours, likely won't make plans for Christmas until the week before. Holidays are important to me, especially with a little one running around, I want to establish traditions for her, which require planning, so we've already made our plans for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. When we get a call 3 days before Christmas that DH's family wants to get together, we'll politely tell them we already have plans.

I agree with the other poster, leave out the "since we didn't hear from you", in a situation like this, when you're in the right, you don't need to add an explanation to your answer.

Personally, if I can anticipate rudeness coming I avoid it. I'd simply not answer their calls and let them leave it on the voice mail. That's just me. Now, if I ended up talking to them....

Them: "...we're having Christmas at our house if you guys want to come."

You: "Thank you. I"ll pass this along to dh. Have a great holiday."

Then I"d tell my dh of the invite and let him know it is okay w/ me if he goes for awhile to see his fam but I will not be goign b/c I will have guests of my own. I will instrust him to say if his family asks about me.."Suzie is sorry she couldn't make it, she had already made our holiday plans before you guys called and so she is home with our guests." (If they cared they can ask what guests and he can think up his own dialog then hehehehehe)

Anyway....that's how it'd go for me. And you knoww hat....why wait for them to invite. Just plan your own party now.