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Divorced Moms

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how do I act now?????

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  5807.1
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  6/2/2004 4:01 pm

Ok here is the story and please put yourself in my shoes and give me some insight since I can not seem to think straight.
My ex and I have been apart for almost 2 years. We were married for almost 4 and have a 5 year old little girl.
Through out the past 2 years we have tried to be friends and have been more successful at it than most people I know. Our friends dont understand how we hang out the way we do.
Anyway over the past month or so we have spent alot of time together. I mean alot. He has stayed at my house and I have stayed at his. We have had dinner together and all. With our daughter of course. Well this past weekend we were together and had both had a bit too much to drink and one thing led to another.... We tell each other we still love one another. I care for him a great deal and would love to date him again. I dont want to live together or get remarrie but I would like to see if there is something there.
Well I wrote him and email expressing my feelings about the time we spend together and that if there is no chance of us being together we should distance ourselves to not give our little one false hope.
He emails me back telling me """"we should have a good relationship and spend at least one day a week together but we are better seperated. But that doesnt mean that we will never get back together""""" What the heck does all that mean??? The way he holds me, kisses me, and makes love to me tells me otherwise.

Is he playing me for a fool or what??

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6/18/2004


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how do I act now?????

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  5807.2 in response to 5807.1
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  6/3/2004 9:07 am

Sounds like it!!! He gets the benefits of being a husband and father without the responsibilities. You are divorced. You shouldn't have to spend one night a week with him, but your daughter should.
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8/19/2004


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how do I act now?????

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  5807.3 in response to 5807.1
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  6/3/2004 3:59 pm

I don't think so. I think he is ambivalent and perplexed to the same extent as you are.

you say it yourself, you don't feel like re-marrying him or anything, but just would like to see if there is something there. he says the same thing, almost word to word. He says he would like to see you - often - but is now afraid to re-commit. he is even admitting that perhaps there will be more in the future, but who knows.

Now, sit tight and think back in time. YOu obviously still have feeling for this man, and still can recall happy times. I would bet you fall asleep thinking of them! but for a moment, try to remember the bad times that led you to a divorce. Why did you get there? what did you feel? If you have a girlfriend who helped you throught the divorce, contact her and ask her what you used to say. try to get a reality check...

Perhaps there is still a life in your relationship. but perhaps it is only a nostalgic spin. try to make the difference.

last visit to this board
6/7/2004


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how do I act now?????

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  5807.4 in response to 5807.1
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  6/7/2004 11:59 am

I am trying to put myself in your shoes, but it is difficult since I have a very distant relationship with my ex. However, I think in your situation, you either need to be divorced, or together. Friends who sleep together is, in my opinion, not a good situation for divorced parents to be in. It sets a bad example for the children, and is very confusing for all involved (as you know it is for yourself), including the children. My advice would be to either cut all ties and communicate only regarding the children, or have a complete committed relationship. If your ex can't do that, he needs to be your EX. Not your friend, not your lover, but simply the father of your children who is part of your PAST. Obviously you got divorced for a reason - either that reason will still exist, or you both need to discuss completely why things have changed. If your ex is not willing to re-commit, I would not be kept on the side waiting for him to make up his mind. If he is confused, maybe you both need to go to couples counseling. But if he doesn't want to be a "couple" - cut him loose. You are only hurting yourself and possibly the children to continue a sham relationship.
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6/20/2004


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how do I act now?????

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  5807.5 in response to 5807.4
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  6/11/2004 8:12 pm

ditto!
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