Recognizing & Dealing w/ Domestic Abuse

control of my life!! Some would say I did that back in May of that year when I had him arrested but I have never felt like I did then. And yes he still had some control over me for a little bit but not as much as he had. Four years ago today (right about this time, scary, LOL) I packed what I could into my van along with my 4 children and 2 cats and we left SC and headed towards NY. This was when gas prices shot though the roof so by the time I made it to NY I wasn't sure I would. The van I was driving I wasn't sure would make it there but it did. We stayed with my dad for 18 months. It was not easy but I will be forever grateful to him for letting us stay so I had the chance to get on my feet. I think I should mention that up to that point I really didn't have a relationship with my father. We talked here and there but were not close. We still struggle with that one but it is a lot better then it was and I now know I can count on my father for anything!

I found a job for Christmas shortly after I moved up here that ended up calling me back 6 months later to come back part time which then turned into me being the asst manager. When I left my x I had no education and no work experience. One of the first things I did was get my GED, something he always tried to stop when I would mention it when with him. In the mean time I started working as a home health aide which I loved because I was able to help people stay home. For the last 3 years I have worked 3 jobs. At the moment I work full time selling perfume and part time as a home health aide. I hate working so much but it is ok and a lot better then when I couldn't work. Once March gets here and I can pay off my van (something I got on my own) then I can cut back on working so much.

My children are doing wonderful!! All 4 are in counseling at the moment. My oldest just started back up again. She wasn't ready the first time around but is this time. My son has a lot of emotional issues. He sadly was a witness to the last time his father attacked me and almost killed me. He has gotten a lot better then he use to be but still has some work to do but he knows this and is working on it.

Starting September 21st I am going to start taking classes on line to get a an associates degree in psychology. I would like to become a counselor in the DV field. I know I have come a long way from the person who left SC 4 years ago!

Some days are a struggle but nothing compared to what life was like 4 in a half years ago!

My divorce will be final for 1 year on the 11th. My x is sitting in jail for lewd and lascivious conduct with a minor down in Florida. I count myself as one of the lucky ones that has to have nothing to do with my abusive x. He headed towards Florida when we left. I have sole custody and it was his idea to set visitation up to were we both have to agree on it. At this point in time I would not agree on him being in the same state as them! The only way he could see them would be to take me to court and seeing as he is a registered sexual offender and way behind on child support I doubt he has a leg to stand on in court. Only 1 of my children (my son) seems to be upset by not seeing him. My oldest will not even call him her father she refers to him as the sperm donor (she is 15). I do not encourage this but after all they have been though from him and what he is in jail for I leave it up to them how they want to refer to him. My 2 little ones are 10 and 7 and they do not talk to much about him so I am not sure were they stand. My son wanted to have contact with him not to long ago but then changed his mind (I can not tell you how happy that made me).

I am posting this to show you that even when your scared (I was terrified as I packed my van and drove away) and think you have no options you do. Life will be so much better without abuse! Abuse also effects children more then you will ever know. They see and pick up on so much more then they are given credit for and you can not even begin to imagine the ways it effects them.

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************************************ Proud Cl at:  Domestic Abuse Support