Recognizing & Dealing w/ Domestic Abuse

Hello to the Boards,

I have posted before about my DH...and after many more rollercoasters, I feel a need to post again.  I have come to the realization that I AM with a verbal abuser.  He calls me names, says "F*CK YOU", and is very critical of me no matter what I do.  Other times, we are great and have fun together.  I told him today that I will not accept him talking to me the way he does, as I will not be with someone who behaves that way.  Good for me, I guess...that I'm standing up.  However, his response is always 'Leave me the f*ck alone.." and this time he said that AND said that he doesn't "Want to be with me either...." etc etc trying to seemingly justify HIS irrational actions by blaming me FOR them.  Just this morning after our fight last night (was when he said "F*ck you" to me and then no more talk between us after that), he said "Good morning" to me and i muttered "good morning" to him.....and then right after i said that, while i was making breakfast, he GRABBED my arm and said "What, you can't even say good morning to me?"  And i told him i did.  He obviously didn't hear. 

The sad and disturbing thing to me is that he was NOT verbally abusive OR manipulative when we were dating.  It all happened after we married.  It's almost been 5 years now.  I am done trying to blame myself for his actions....and I WILL NOT justify his actions by blaming myself or that I'm doing anything wrong.  I love my husband but this relationship NEEDS TO CHANGE or I need to get out, for myself.  I have been reading the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and it has opened my eyes to several things. Mainly that my husband, AS SWEET as he CAN BE, as sweet as he is to others, is abusive.  Reading through the book, it suggests ways to respond to an abuser so they know that you are NOT going to take it from them.  I am going to try that and see if that changes his behavior.

This is especially tough for me right now as I am going through health issues, and we are trying to sell our place to buy a bigger place....and our 5th anniversary is coming up next month where we have a trip planned, and I had already put together a gift that he will absolutely LOVE.

Please help....I need support and advice.

MN

Good luck to you as well.  I actually started seeing a counselor yesterday (by myself at first) just to make sure all my feelings and thoughts are validated...as well as what the next steps are once I have finally realized i'm being verbally abused.  I really thought the session went well and look forward to the next one!