It's been over a year since I've posted and I'm doing so much better than I once was. I felt like I should come back and post since I found so much support here to get me where I am today.
Brief backstory:
I had been with my emotionally abusive dorkwad of a boyfriend for nearly a decade before I finally got the courage up to leave his butt behind. It was really tough at the time. This board was a *major* player in my journey out of that unhealthy relationship. Plus I was lucky enough to have my family and best friend supporting me in the cause. Going with the suggestions of many women on the board, I decided to get my family to be present when I laid down the final "goodbye" speech and moved out. At the time, and still up until a few hours ago, I had always thought that was a teeny bit of overkill since he'd never been physically abusive. Sure he would say horrible harmful things to me and knew full well he was hurting me indirectly (the stress causing my health problem to flare up) and he knew it too and told me he was glad he caused me pain... but even so I never thought he was capable of direct physical violence - until today.
Current story:
I became friends with the woman he dated after me and like me she was also abused. Only now I'm finding out he got much worse and actually hit her!
Now this brings forth a whole bucket full of emotions for me. First and foremost is unadulterated RAGE! How dare he hurt her! It's been a long time since I even thought about the dorkwad and I really had put that chapter of my life to rest - but hearing this makes me want to do really really bad things to him. I was never this angry at him for anything he did to me (partially because he never hit me!) Sure he shoved around a bit but that's it. Not that that's acceptable - I'm just saying, there's a big difference between a gentle arm pulling and a punch. Second, I feel relieved that I took the advice and had my family present at the moveout. Who knows what would've gone down if I hadn't.
Part of this post is to say "yes you too can get out and be happy like me." My life is so incredibly better without him around and with distance I found my true self again. Looking back at my old posts I can't even believe I said half of what I wrote - that I was so lost and confused and completely under his thumb. I thank God and all the people who helped me because there's no way I could have done that alone. But it is possible - with a little courage, a little support, and some careful planning it can be done.
The other part of this post is to say that on the other side, hearing about someone you care about getting abused, is the most horrifying thing ever (maybe because I've been there too) and I never thought it was even possible to be so freaking angry at anyone in my life. I know it's not healthy to be angry and revenge isn't the answer but surely a teeny weeny little prank wouldn't hurt. What I'd really like to do is tattoo "Abuser" on his forehead so he isn't able to hurt any other unsuspecting girls. That's what really burns my butter - not that he got me but that he continues on this same pattern hurting other people and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I guess I never really thought about that when I left. I suppose I thought no one would fall for his tricks again but alas, there's too many women out there who will. I surely wasn't his first girlfriend so why should I be his last?
And to make matters worse - he used my name as a reason to torture her... asking her why she can't be more like me. Ha! Like he ever gave a damn about me! I don't care what kind of slander he used to make my friends ditch me after I left because if they believed it then they weren't my friends to begin with - but to use my name as a means of abusing another person - now that pisses me off.
Don't worry - I'm not wielding a machete and driving to his house and I'm not even the revenge type. I just feel like there must be something I can do, even if only indirectly. Heck, I'm half tempted to call his mother and have a little chat.
For all of you out there still in abusive relationships, don't let the abuser have the power. You deserve better. You are special and deserve the best - no matter what that abusive person says to you. Don't let anyone tell you different. I know it's not that simple and my writing that won't magically fix anything but I just had to say it.
Thanks again to all of you out there helping people!
Tildy
Love 
