Recognizing & Dealing w/ Domestic Abuse

Wow - can't believe it's been 4 years since my last post.  Today I am celebrating 6 years of FREEDOM from my abuser!!  What prompted me to write today was a comment my friend made the other night.  She is my co-worker and doesn't know a lot of the details of my 12-yr abusive marriage.  Anyway, she made this comment, "I can't imagine you being married..."  I was puzzled.  I asked her why and she said this... "because you're so independent."  That pretty much said it all !  I told her that I was very independent when I was younger, too, it was just that time inbetween -- when I was married -- lol.  I left my abuser 6 years ago and thought I would never find myself again or be independent the way I used to be.  Don't get me wrong, it has not been an easy journey, but one I will never regret.  I still live in the same town as my abuser, though I don't see him much these days (thank you God  :0)  He went on to marry again and repeat his cycle of abuse, only this time I was on the outside looking in.  Luckily his 2nd wife got wise early on and needless to say their marriage only lasted for about a year.  This proved to me that he has not and probably will not ever change.  I'm so glad I didn't listen to all the "empty" promises he threw at me right after I left him.  So, have I healed completely from the abuse?  Heck no.   Do I feel lonely at times?  Heck yeah.  Am I happy?  YOU BETCHA !!  

I guess if I were to give any bits of wisdom for anyone who is in or has just been freed from an abusive relationship, it would be this:  Educate yourself.  There are so many resources out there - in your local library - online - someone from this message board steered me to the book 'Why Does He Do That?' by Lundy Bancroft.  Had it not been for that book, I would never have been able to see the lies coming, and I may have even fell for them and gone back.  I also would not have been able to see the warning signs of a later relationship and get out before it became abusive.  Stay connected.  Talk to someone... a friend, your family, your pastor, a counselor.  Abusers love to isolate their victims so that there is nobody left to tell you something's wrong - that you should get out.  I felt like I had nobody left to talk to about my situation..... that is until I found this message board (again, thank you God), and my FREEDOM.  Thanks for letting me share and my thoughts and prayers are with you all.     :0)

Lula (aka - Gud2Bfree)

Lula!!!  You don't know how many times I have wondered about you and what you have been up to.  It's so good to hear how things are going for you.  And to think it's been four years.  This will be my 10th anniv. of our freedom run.  WO is now 11 yrs old and making her mother insane (so what's new, eh?)  I am just so proud of and happy for you.  You're a success story, hon and don't you EVAH forget it!  God Bless and keep you.

Hey U !!  :0)

I remember reading about the adventures of "Wild One" !!  Can't believe she's all grown up - has it been that long??  (lol)

I'm doin' GREAT, Mama - new job, got my place dressed up nicely, new and completely wonderful church family.... doesn't get any better than this!  I have had run-ins with the X on occasion - he got married a couple years ago and already divorced again (big surprise), he showed up at my church sometimes, even went to their picnic this year and tried to "charm" everyone - didn't work (ha ha) cuz they already had the scoop on him.  He still introduces himself to people as "I was married to Lula"..... ugh.  They never change.  He got arrested recently and as a result lost everything, job, car, home (again, big surprise).

Anyway -- 10 YEARS - WOO HOO !!!! That's great!  I'm so glad to hear you're doing well.  Gotta get back to work, the boss is on his way back to the office. :0)

Take care, now, y'hear?