I've been making plans to leave my abusive boyfriend. Leaving has been hanging on my getting a new job though.
It makes me very sick to acknowledge what this guy did yesterday, the day before a PRAYED FOR job interview. He showed me that despite his promises, he will forever repeat his verbal assaults and jeopardize my wellbeing through every experience in life, always craving power and control over me. In a period of about 30 minutes...
He referred to me as “stupid” three times, “what are you stupid…” It doesn’t matter what it was about or in reference about. The verbiage is not okay.
He also compared me to a "mean", "sick" and "ugly" entity for having a pet after he read an article and pointed out to me the points in the article about how dogs and cats have a greater carbon footprint than vehicles. He went on to talk about how sick and selfish it is to have pets saying, ”…It’s like these sick people you hear about in the news who keep kids in their basement for pleasure…” WHAT IN THE WORLD? I really wanted to throw up. He was saying this at me from the other room. My jaw was just dropped open. I could not believe the verbal asinine that was coming from his mouth. IN REGARDS TO ME. He knows I love my pet and he is so jealous of it. I did not respond to that. I acted like I didn't hear him.
Then he barrated me for “not preparing for my interview”. He’s not the authority on how I’m preparing for my interview. He never even asked me in an upbeat kind way, “So do you think you’re ready for your interview!?” Nope, none of that friendly interest. He came out of no where with these assumptions, yelling at me in a condescending tone that I am not taking the job seriously or preparing. Where does he get that from? I wanted to puke at how he thinks he knows everything. I wanted him to leave the house that instant.
It was ALL really strange… For a good 24 hours, things were OK between us. I knew it wouldn’t last for long. I saw chemicals begin to go through his body, jading his perception of everything. His tone of voice and facial expressions began to change. Then little by little the onslaught started. I managed to remain calm and tell him that maybe he should leave “…because I find the things you’re saying are really odd and I’m uncomfortable and don’t want to be around whatever that is you’re going through.” He spazzed saying he’ll leave whenever he wants to leave. I handled him well because I didn't get upset, and I was dismissive towards him.
Then maybe 20 minutes later I walked through the bedroom where he was and he was totally DIFFERENT, acting sweet asking what shall we order for dinner. Nope not gonna work. I repeated what I told him before and he actually apologized. Who knows, maybe he got to thinking about how I am not going to let him do this to me obviously with an imminent new job, I could easily shut him out of my life. He then shocked me and said, ”Sorry. Hugs??” with arms out towards me. A sorry coming out of his mouth was very odd. I was numb and dead. I repeated what I said before. In this whiney voice he said he "didn’t say I was …stupid..mean…ugly…directly." I cut him right off and said we both know what you were doing, and that isn’t acceptable. You really need (psychological help)…I trailed off like totally blowing him off like hey you’re not a source of anything for me. He got the picture. I totally blew him off. He needs serious help, but he is in denial to admit he has a serious chemical problem in his head. Serious problems.
He had been traveling for work for a few weeks before this. Then he left the day after that onslaught. It took me about 3 days after he left to get my emotional homeostasis back to normal. Now that he travels for work so much, it is even more apparent to me what normal is. A normal happy life for me cannot include him in it.
THANK GOD I got the job I interviewed for, and I can leave him now!
Isn't what he said far beyond horrible? I was so creeped, I couldn't think straight. I did NOTHING, absolutely nothing to him. I was in a great mood all day. But he lives in some other psychological universe. I did NOTHING to deserve:
-being called mean, ugly, selfish, sick, stupid
-compared to a pedophile because I simply have a pet. - THAT'S A HUGE JUMP, no? Holy Jesus!
His psychological state has been scaring me lately. The things he says and perceives are bizarre. He's been getting this look on his face like he's about to *snap* and kill me. I truly believe he fits the profile of someone who would snap and seriously seriously harm someone.
Love 
