discussion title:
struggling with what to do
It has been slightly over a year since I have been out of my abusive relationship. Things have still been hell though. for almost a year I dealt with him hararrassing me, still trying to get me back. I put up with him badmouthing me to and in front of our son for too long before I decided to put a stop to it. I now have another restraining order in place, this time for 3 years. And I have asked for supervised visits between him and our son. I do not know why it took me so long to come to this point. What finally pushed me over the edge was when my son was at his dad's for a visit, his dad called my voicemail and started going off on me. You can hear my son plain as day in the background repeating his father calling me an f-ling POS. Then to top it off, a few weeks later not five minutes after I tell him my grandpa was going into open heart surgery and him acting all symphatic, he calls me back and leaves physical threats on my voicemail. So I went for the restraining order again, and I moved and he doesnt know our new address. I have been feeling unsafe still because he is in the neighborhood sometimes. He does not harass me much anymore, but I do let my son call to talk to him on the phone. I keep it on speaker phone, because although he starts off good, he ends up badmouthing me at some point and trying to blame everything on me. I am always the bad guy because he thinks that everything he does is validated because he is hurt and emotional becuase I separated our family and betrayed him because I have now been in a relationship for 6 months. I am not ready for my son to not have his daddy. My son is 3 and loves his father very much. I dont know how to explain what is going on to him. He does understand that daddy is mean sometimes and is not nice to mommy and says bad words. His dad most of the time complains that he wants to see his son. But at times he has talked about maybe never seeing us again cause everything is too hard. The other night he said maybe I shouldnt have our son call him anymore because it makes him too emotional. I dont know what to do. I dont want our son to be hurt by either his dad walking out on him, or my having to completely cut them off. But I worry that it will happen down the road anyway, or that the things his dad says are going to be damaging to him. I beg him sometimes to just grow up and behave himself for our son's sake, but it doesnt work. I am just so afraid no matter what I do my son is going to get hurt.
Love 
