Cyber-Cheating & Emotional Affairs

...but it's getting there.

I have been chatting with an older man recently. Chatting is not cheating, if it's clean. However, it's not. We talk about my relationship and we talk a lot about sex. I tell him things about myself that I do not talk to my partner about.

I love my partner dearly. I am currently pregnant with his child. He is a wonderful step-dad to my son and he cares a lot for us all. Nevertheless, I find myself straying. Our sexlife is terrible at the moment. He only wants it during weekends (once) and prioritizes the computer before spending time with me. I, however, miss closeness and playing and just being a man and a woman together. I have tried addressing this multiple times. Each time he says he will make more of an effort, as the sex drive is there, he just keeps putting it off until we're both too exhausted. I find the situation terrible, as we are both young and he does not lift a finger after work. I do most of the work with our child and all of the housework.

The other man and I have discussed meeting. It is so nice to chat with someone who cares about my sexual needs and cares how I feel. While I know it's all a fantasy, I would not ask much of an affair. Just some attention and sexual gratification...

I know I need to wake up. I know I need to think of my son and the child I am carrying. I know I should not hurt my partner in this way. But I am going insane at the moment. I am all sunshine and smiles every afternoon/evening while doing dishes, cooking dinner and putting my son to bed. But all I want to do is scream: "Is it only your needs that matter?!".

We have only been together two years. I do not wish to leave him. I love him so much and we have a lot of fun together. I just want him to -see- me.

Please, someone, help me find out where to go from here.

I wholeheartedly agree with the other poster.

Right now you are unhappy and you feel trapped so this other relationship is a fantasy escape for you, but that is what it is..a fantasy...and an escape - neither one being a place where you can "live" long term.  You have to come back to earth, and when you do, what a hard landing that will be!!

You did not mention how you met the other man.  At work, or is he an online friend. ?   If he is online, I bet my entire retirement fund that he is neglecting his own wife like your husband is neglecting you, AND you are not the ONLY woman he is talking to like this.

What is your husband doing on the computer???  Could he, ironically, be doing the same thing you are???   Just a query....

Check out Marriage Builders.com.  Your relationship needs a tune up, but you do not need to leave this car at the junk yard yet.

"I wholeheartedly agree with the other poster.
Right now you are unhappy and you feel trapped so this other relationship is a fantasy escape for you, but that is what it is..a fantasy...and an escape - neither one being a place where you can "live" long term. You have to come back to earth, and when you do, what a hard landing that will be!!
You did not mention how you met the other man. At work, or is he an online friend. ? If he is online, I bet my entire retirement fund that he is neglecting his own wife like your husband is neglecting you, AND you are not the ONLY woman he is talking to like this.
What is your husband doing on the computer??? Could he, ironically, be doing the same thing you are??? Just a query....
Check out Marriage Builders.com. Your relationship needs a tune up, but you do not need to leave this car at the junk yard yet."

Thank you both for your replies.

Firstly, I have met this older man briefly. We met through my freelancing and he got my details so we could potentially work together in the future. However, it turned personal instead, as I described. We have talked about meeting up as "friends".

I have no problem understanding this is a fantasy. However, the other man is single. This was easy for me to confirm. I would never, ironically, allow for him to spend time on me if he had a partner.

Anyway, a lot has happened since I wrote the post. The first poster made a good point and I saw where I was heading.

While I did keep talking to the other man, he has been helping me open up to my partner. In this time he has allowed me to use him as a training dummy, encouraging me to do what I find so difficult - share my sexuality with someone I am close to. We still talk as friends and I am now completely open about it towards my live-in boyfriend.

It has caused a complete turn around in my relationship. My partner sees my wants now and I have tried to see his. Instead of being another stress-factor, I am now able to be supportive after he's had a long day at work. He has opened his eyes and see that I do want intimacy - I have just been unable to express it in a way he could interpret.