Cyber-Cheating & Emotional Affairs

I hoped I wouldn't be back, but here I am. :S My situation had moderated itself when I last posted and I'd really gotten a grip. OM and I have since fallen back into our familiar patterns of flirting, conversations, kinda-crossing-the-line, etc. but got busy at work where we didn't talk much for the last week or so. Normally, that's no big deal but I'm having a difficult time again.

My marriage recently has taken a bad turn. DH is currently involved with a female HS friend of his. They text CONSTANTLY, call each other, FB, etc. and it's gotten to the point that I've finally said something to him. She has been complaining about her hubby a lot to DH, and my hackles are way up. The last couple of days have been quieter but cell logs show they are underground.

This has been going on for the last couple months. They spent the night together recently (I was asleep in another room) and I think but can't prove that something happened. When we all are together, I feel like the other woman, and I walked into our kitchen during a party to find her hands up his shirt.

So, I'm in a very strange position in that I'm deeply stung by an emerging EA/PA on DH's part, while fighting off the strong feelings I have for OM. Talk about karma biting me hard.

Hi jenrook,

First I want to apologize for not responding before now, I've been busy with kids, homework, and Scouting. 

Second, in reference to your karma remark...don't beat yourself up.  YOU are not the cause of your husband's poor choices, any more than HE was the cause of any of yours. 

Apparently you and your H have let your marriage get to a point where there's enough room for someone else (or 2 someones) to come between you. 

You had your flirtation, and now you're upset with him.  I get that.  I TOTALLY get that.  The night my husband told me, "I know you love him and it's okay...because I love (ow)" I could have killed him.  Rather than getting angry however, we decided to talk some more about it.  I realized that yes...I was getting something from OM that H wasn't giving me (conversation, interest, listening).  The same way he was getting comraderie from ow. 

It took a LOT of work to get where we are.  OM and I are still great friends.  H is okay with that, because we've never crossed any major lines.  He is still friends with ow, too.  But we've worked to get our own relationship back, so that neither of the outsiders are a threat.  It's not easy. 

However, to the best of my knowledge, they aren't swapping pics of each other.  And I don't believe they're talking dirty to one another. 

I would suggest that you both talk together, maybe even go to marriage counseling, to set boundaries with one another.  For example, He shouldn't be allowed to look at nude pics of anyone.  And he should be able to set some boundaries for you, too. 

Good luck!