EAS

OMG!!!!!!!!!! I totally love this thread and I copied all the "Being friends" lines that everyone has wrote and saved them on my desktop so I can be strong while he's 20 feet away from me all day.

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!

I too love this thread and it has been good to be able to read that I'm not alone.

My xAP dumped me (again!) to go back to his previous g/f. Yesterday, I get a text, "can we just be friends, until I get what I want figured out?"

I'm tired of crying, this thread helped me to laugh! Thanks!

hi all im new here...

this post, wow!  i dont know what to say, most is true.  i was always APs special friend.  told me we would be good friends until the end,always. 

but now that i want out, i just want to be friends...  well, maybe thats the wrong thing to say.  i really dont need him as a friend, i have very good loving caring friends that are real friends.  i guess i just want to be cordial with him.  i will be seeing him sometimes in the near future, he goes to the same church, is a family friend of DHs.  i dont want to keep the door open for future sexual encounters and realize i have to be strong.  it wont be easy as i am sure you all know.

i dont want him coming back to me, when he is feeling better which he just started to do.  i have been working on getting over him (i was never in love with him, we were mostly about sex) but still its hard.  i was more addicted to the sex and attention.  i never wanted to leave Dh for him or him leave his W. we were never compatible much outside the bedroom.  and that was fine with me, but i did get feelings, more than i am sure he had for me.

it does entice me that he wants me around.  he feeds MY ego.  just knowing that behind his Ws back he is secretly thinking of me has been a turn on for me.  but why should it be?  do i really need him?  i have been doing just fine without him these past 3 months (he was very ill).  ive changed,ive pretty much moved on.  and to go back to what we had?  is it worth it?  the sex whenever HE could, or HE wanted it.  the quick, hurry up i got to go...  the phone calls that last 2mins bc i just wanted to hear ur voice, but i dont have time for you?  the i just want to sleep with you and thats it and i wont contact you until i need you agains?  idk.  i did it with him for soooo long.  can i really change?  can i really stay strong this time?

how do you all do it?  i will not call him at all.  if he calls me should i answer it?  he has been sick, and ill listen to him bc i feel bad that hes been sick.  bc of me feeling bad for him, i might give in to the phone calls, the emails etc.  he will use that as leverage bc he knows i am a caring person.  i am good hearted inside.  always manipulated me and used that against me.  i want to be in control now.  i want to be the one to call the shots..  is it doable?  to maybe go back and be with him just like he did to me ?  would he even notice?  i am a lot stronger than i have been since we first hooked up...  3 yrs ago.  ive changed, people do change. 

what should i do?

thanks very much!!! ((hugs)) to all that has been through this...

Friends...allows him to go to Vegas with the boys and get stupid drunk and text and call and spill his guts about how miserable he is without me, how miserable his life is, how he F up losing me...and then sober up the next day and not remember anything or discuss his previous nights crap....act like nothing happened and we are just friends...

My situation is really similar...

5 1/2 years...live 150 miles apart...he's 14 years younger.  Great sex, great ego boost, great fun sneaking off to Vegas, meeting up once a month...i never really wanted to leave or to end up with him and 2 little kids...BUT...I did fall in some sort of love with someone I created him to be...

My NC turned in to "way less C" and I am so close to knowing I'm ready to let go...I just texted him and said..."enough...its time to let go, we aren't doing each other any favors"

Of course...he's so confused and gives me the "WTF?"  like I"m the nuts one. 

I see the pattern...i get away...and the "friends" thing just lures me back in close enough for him to keep the drama and continue for me to be the crutch for him to limp thru his dysfunctional marriage and boring life.

I'm tired of looking at my phone...life is too short to spend looking at a screen and hoping it says what you want it to say or making excuses for why it doesn't.

I'm married.  He's married.  End of conversation.

I know we can do this.