EAS

After only a month of being involved with my ex-boyfriend, (whom claims is separated from his wife) I have decided to "bail" (as he calls it)

This is the third time in 8 years that I have had to do this (break up with him).  Once in 2000, 2002 and now in 2009.  In 2000, he was into drugs and alcohol, in 2002 he had serious anger issues and now in 2009 he has been married for 2 years......

Even though he claims I am his "soulmate" I have given him a month to get the ball rolling with his divorce, to no avail.  So no action on his part leaves me no choice but to cut my losses and move on........  I sound tough right now, but inside I am a complete mess........  Like others I wanted so hard to believe his words and that he truly loved me and had been pining away for me......... 

He has broken plans on numerous occasions, not returned phone calls, returned text messages hours later.....but if I do not respond immediately to his text, he freaks.

He is either emotionally unavailable or still caught up in his marriage.  Either case, I cannot continue down this dangerous and slippery path.......  I cannot save him, but I can (attempt to) save myself.

I am afraid.  I know that in the past he has made no contact EXTREMELY difficult.  Maybe this time it will be different because he still has a woman in his life........

Please pray for strength........  this is going to be hard..........

Day 2.  I am trying to be strong.  It has helped that he has not responded to my text.......  I am trying really hard NOT to let his "no answer" affect my self esteem, but I must admit, it is. 

I think that the biggest issue is the fact that I feel as if I have not grown or "learned my lessons" because I keep returning to this man (which also leads me to believe that it is "fate")  I keep torturing myself over and over.......so I guess I should be asking myself....why?  Why do I return to the scene of the accident over and over?

I really did believe that he was separated and totally in love with me.  But his actions speak loud and clear.  How easy it is to send a text message bequething (sp?) his love for me and thanking me for my patience........  how hard it is for him to follow-through.

I was supposed to think he was loyal and a "good man" because he wanted to make sure that his wife was "a citizen" before he divorced her.  He said "what kind of person would I be if I just left her and she got deported????  "  I only had to wait a few days, a few weeks........  but how quickly time has flown by and I hear no new news. 

This board has helped more than anything.  Over and over I read how these men make promises and claim that we are the "loves of their lives" "soulmates"  

This has been a blessing in disguise because I hadn't really realized until this point how much I truly must hate myself to put up with this bs.  My hatred for myself has reached the point to where it has actually hit it's peak and flipped over into love.  His actions toward me mirrored my own towards myself..........  so a soulmate he may very well be because he woke up my soul and now it is time to move on............

Hi Dazed,

First of all congrats. on 2 days NC.

Sorry you haven't gotten much of a response there are usually more EASers around. I don't know what has been up the last couple of days. Also if you post in the General Discussion area you will probably get more responses.

I went over to MAS and read some of your posts and forgive me but I see some discrepancies and maybe you can help me understand.

I saw where you posted that you were very aftaid that he was going to leave you. How has your thinking about that changed.

Also you mentioned that his stbx was moving out of state and that the D paperwork had already been filed. Did he lie or mislead you?

I'm not trying to interrogate you I'm just trying to understand because it looks almost like a different person wrote this post compared to what is over on MAS. So I just am asking for your help to help me better understand the situation.

Much love and big hugs,

E1

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.

A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

No, I understand that you are not trying to interrogate me.

He initially told me that his W (whom came to the US on a work visa 2 years ago) was going to be moving to Texas to be with some family members.  Apparently after they married, her work visa expired and in the last few months has been trying to get her green card????  So right now, she is here illegally.

I'm not sure if he's lying to me........  All I know is that he kept telling me to be patient, yet he was also evasive.....things just didn't match up.

He told me that she is not living with him at the moment (she is living with a friend and that they were separated) 

He was supposed to take her to Texas like 2-3 weeks ago.........  but he never mentioned it again.

I have been reading all the stories on here and I freaked. 

I guesstimated on the dates, so that is why it probably looked like 2 different people wrote. 

Basically since 1999/2000, we have reunited 3 times and tried being together. 

Thanks for not being upset and giving me some more background. I read from time to time on MAS but rarely post. I know most over there are not ready to hear what I have to say. I always pray that the ones that are unhappy and want to get out make over to this board. I am very happy to see you here and glad you didn’t take offense to what I said.

The reason I said it looked like two different people writing is because on the other board you seemed very much to give him all the control and power but here I see a person who is very much in control and taking back her power.

Your biggest fear two weeks ago was if he was going to leave you. Now you have left him. That is really a big turn around in a week or two. It’s good not a bad thing at all. I’ve just never seen such a quick change although some of us come to our senses quicker than others.  My first conclusion was maybe you went to a T or maybe you talked to someone who shed some light on the situation. I was just curious as it was an about face literally.

Well again congrats. on day two of NC. It’s now not about him trying to break it it’s about you succeeding in cutting off as many avenues as possible so he has less opportunity to try. Have you blocked his number? Blocked or closed down emails? If you are already certain that he will make this difficult you must do everything in your power to limit his access.

You are on the right track and as I mentioned next time try the General Discussion area which is above this one. Although for whatever reason, we don’t have many vets around the last couple of days. I see a few on today. Don’t be discouraged that you didn’t get many replies there are usually more people around.

It is great that you have been reading. Hopefully you’ve discovered the “Healing Library” at the bottom of the page. It really is a great source.

Much love and big hugs,

E1

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.

A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.