EAS

Ok, I made it to day 5. It is certainly easier than day 1. I go from feelings of relief that so far my H doesn't know, hope that my M can get better and insight as to why and how this happened. I need to realize it kind of was inevitable, it wasn't planned, nor anyones fault. It was the perfect storm. A guy who was unhappy in a M, with me, equally unhappy, and we were both incredibly compatible, and yes, in another world, would have had a wonderful life together. We both needed to feel loved. And we met in a social environment where affairs do happen and its acceptable to be close to the opposite sex.

All that being said, we may have just stayed casual or good friends and we did for a bit but the shared interests that we had with eachother just kept bringing us closer.

But also the biggest reason we let it get out of control is we both had too much time on our hands. He worked independently, had a lot of free time, and I am a stay at home mom with teens and H who works a lot so I had a TON of free time.

He was my playmate and it grew into so much more. We were both kids again, springtime in love. I get that. And honestly, now, I could control myself and just be friends. Sadly, I may not get the chance.

I really hope he finds happiness. Time can be my enemy. If anyone has any ideas on how I can keep busier, let me know. My H never wanted me to work. He can't help me with the kids cause of his hours so I need to be flexible. At this stage of my life, no more playgroups etc with the kids and many of my friends went back to work.

Thanks for you advice. I still think about the beautiful moments we had and will miss them but I have to stay strong.

Sunshine, you can read my posts. I told my H that I had an EA. I told him cause I felt it was the only way he might try to work on my M that has left me so lonely and I felt I was so prone to all this again otherwise. But alas, no real work, no willingness to read a book, or see a MC. Just expectations that I'll be better. I won't go into the details of my M here but needless to say after a few weeks he contacted me again.

No, I won't see him and go back to the way it was. WE can't. But we do email and in many ways we are friends helping eachother but also giving eachother something to not be miserable. I know its wrong, believe me. But I was so miserable before the emails which are now more like best friends than anything else. I'm still trying to be happy in my M. Maybe I'll succeed and tell him I'm done. He's doing the same thing and maybe he'll tell me. Or maybe at some point we'll just give up and be together. Or maybe we'll eventually become just friends. All I know is right now, I'm not strong enough for NC, but LC is getting me through. I know some will judge me. I get that. But I'm doing the best I can. And so is he. But Sunshine, I personally hate the rush or being sneaky. That might be in the end, what will cause me to pick a side.