Relationships in Our 20s

I actually met a guy through eHarmony (I know it sounds lame but I kind of like it in a way).  We went out on a date and he was great and we have gone out on a lot more since then.  He has been a perfect gentlemen this whole time, holding doors, he held the umbrella when I walked, has been very nice.  We both want to travel and we love hanging out.  I really like him.

Our last date was two Mondays ago.  We went to dinner near my apartment and had a great time.  Since he has been a great guy I asked if he wanted to hang out at my apartment after and just watch TV or something. 

We were watching TV and he got up to go and he gave me a kiss goodbye and then we continued kissing and we ended up making out (which for the record..I don't mind AT ALL). He started wanted to go further and putting his hands up my shirt, etc. and I finally stopped it and said that I don't mind making out but wanted to take things slow and didn't want to have sex.  He stopped and said that's fine, he's waited before.  We continued to make out (first mistake) and he said (and this is embarassing.lol) 'Can I touch your boob if I promise not to have sex?'.  I didn't know what to say so I just said 'Ok'. So he did, but he tried to take it further and tried to unbutton my pants and I said 'No' and he said 'We can still have fun and not have sex'.  It went a lot further than I wanted and I feel so ashamed.  I should have stopped it after the first time but it kept going.

He was going out of town a few days later for a week and a half and said he would call me when he got back.  I haven't heard from him and was afraid of that.  I can't help but feel it was my fault for leading him on.  I made him think I wanted it and then said I didn't.  I really liked him and now I'll probably never go out with him again.

It is NOT your fault. You did NOT lead him on. You were clear to him about how far you wanted to go and he PRESSURED you to go further than that. He took advantage of your submissive nature. Maybe you do need to learn how to stand your ground more but that doesn't mean it's your fault - even if his pressuring had failed, he still would be an absolute a-hole for even trying.

I know it sucks that he talked you into going further than you wanted to but put this down as a learning experience, be grateful he did not talk you into having sex and that a jerk like that is out of your life. Then move on. If he does contact you again, be firm that you feel he took advantage of you and you have no interest in ever seeing him again. Delete/block him on eHarmony or any other internet method you used to talk to him and delete his number from your phone.

I agree with ukgirl. Don't guilt yourself about what happened. Try and be more firm next time, but don't worry about this guy. He sounds like kind of a jerk and I don't think you did anything to mess things up with him. He probably wanted one thing from your date and when he found out he wouldn't be getting it anytime soon decided then and there what he would do next.

Try to learn from this and move on. It is hard when you like someone to just forget them, but this guy isn't really worth remembering in my opinion.

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Thank you both SO much for posting.  Reading your posts has made me feel so much better.  This was our fifth date and it was also the first date I saw his jerk tendencies.  It really sucks because he seemed fun and sweet and we both had a lot in common, but I guess true colors are shown eventually.

It's really helpful to have support on these boards.  I have a friend that makes it seem like guys can't do anything wrong, so she is absolutely NO HELP in this situation!

But I really appreciate your posting and I am just going to let it go. I haven't contacted him since he left and I'm sure not going to be the one to contact him now.  I had sent him an email after it happened and told him I wanted to be honest and that I didn't want to go as far as I did last night because I liked him and wanted it to work and wanted to know his thoughts.  He said he had a lot on his mind and he would get back to me when he returned from his trip.  I thought that was also a slap in the face.

Anyways, bottom line..he's not worth it..and I am moving on!