Guy Talk

I cant believe this guy wants to get hooked with my this way, I  mean no way!!!!! Let me try and make it short.

Earlier today I received an email from a cousin of mine (she was not suppose to send it to me, but she send it by accident) so I read it. The email was between my cousin and a coworker of her ( a male). That email was a chain of mails between those two.  The first written things were about a work issue from those 2, but as the mails were responded, I end up being involved in the last 2. This guy asked my cousin whatever happened with me, because a friend of him always had the hots for me and  also asked him if the lady who was in the front desk of the company was her relative, that if she knew where I was. My cousin responded to him  that indeed I was her cousin and then my cousin  told him where I was working and she gave the guy my email address. This is because more than 4 yrs ago I used to work in the same company my cousin currently work and I got to know obviously some coworkers who still work there. But I never kept in touch with any of those coworkers after I left. In fact I don’t remember who the guy exchanging mails with my cousin is.  So this guy after knowing my  email address, he emailed me and out of the blue  asked me about how is my family, my friends and if I hang out.  That is his first message out of 4 or 5  he sent me today!!!

The second one since I did not reply the first one, he said : Sorry for disturbing u I just wanted  to say hi  because while u were working here we used to talk briefly and one of these days a friend of mine asked for you and asked  me whatever happen with the pretty green eye lady who worked in the front desk because I haven’t seen her then he reply to his friend that I was there only temporarily and that he did not know about me that is why he asked my cousin about me. I was polite and replied to him telling him sorry for not responded him because I was away from my desk and I had to ask him who his friend was asking for me Then it came the third email from him and told me:  Just a friend who stopped by while you were working here (more than 4 yrs ago!!) and last Monday I was speaking with him and he asked me whatever happened with ur coworker and that if  this guy sees me, give me his regards   Then this guy added the following:  Im going to tell u something but don’t think it wrong  and I hope u don’t get mad. When u came to work here temporarily  I always wanted to talk to u as a friend, truthfully u got my attention but it was after the last time u were in this company  that I dare to write you then he added, what is up in ur life?

I don’t even remember this coworker physically and I don’t think I had a close working r relationship with him I don’t recall working even in the same department as this guy. I mean maybe I did see him of course if we work in the same company but I was never his friend

Because this emails and this guy sounds suspicious I went farther and asked about this guy (the one emailing me)  to a friend of mine who still works in the same company. This friend responded to me and told me Oh my cant believe this guy. This guy is single, immature and at one point he went after me and when he always gave me a look  at any part of the company he turned his face away. He has never had any gf before and he is always emailing some male coworkers and telling them he is getting married and attaches them photos of girls he found on Hi5, all ladies with weird looks. So my friend, do not even bother to  pay atttenton to him and try to find out about the mysterious friend. Im sure, there is no such friend asking for you, Im sure it is him the one asking pretending there is a friend asking for u. and he is now obese, and very immature, trying perhaps to see who hooks up with him and it is so weird he is asking for u when u haven’t seen him in more than 4 yrs and u were not even close to each other.

So minutes later it comes the 4^th mail from this guy and tells me. I know you must be busy bit tell me are u single, or have a boyfriend What do u do in your spare time?

Then it comes the 5^th mail: I hope u have a nice weekend and hopefully we can talk once in a whole

And finally his 6^th mail This is my personal email address in order to write each other if u want/

Note that in all the mails this guy wrote me I haven’t replied to him, just the one where I ask about who the so-called friend is.

Simply unbelievable don’t u think?

No, it's not unbelievable. He's just a clueless about how to make friends and date.

Many years ago, I too, was judgemental about co-workers who had poor/questionable social skills.

But now I have a an autistic child and work with others who have very poor social skills. Whether it be an autism spectrum disorder or just poor social skills, I now realise it's not the 'fault' of people that they behave like this. They can't help that the social part of their brain doesn't function correctly.

These days, I can't tell you how much I regret my judgemental words and behaviours. I regret the sniggering and the discussions similar to what you've had with your co-workers.

If I could go back and treat these odd souls with kindness and compassion, I would. And I hope that with ongoing education and experience with unusual people, other people will also display more patience and compassion.

In your case, if you are single, I would clearly but kindly answer his emails with something about you not wanting a boyfriend at present. Or that you are interested in someone else.

Thanks Gigi. Sadly, I think it's very common to laugh at and criticise those who are a bit different. My hope is that education and exposure may change our cultural attitude, but even then, I see things which make me doubt it.

My son is in year 6 at school now (high school next year!). He's fully supported and loved by the other regular kids at school. My son's 'girlfriend' is also in year 6 with him. She has borderline learning disablities and a social skill disorder. She's the kindest, sweetest, most helpful girl you'd ever meet. She's a ray of sunshine. But she came to me the other day, sad because she doesn't know how to get the other kids to be as nice to her as they are to my son.

I had hoped that exposure to my son would teach these kids to be more compassionate to others who are different. But sadly, it's becoming apparent that they are unable to generalise the support and love they give him to other who need it.

I don't think that it's unbelievable. If this guy was a wealthy hunk that had just recently become single and was trying to specifically track you down now that he was single, I think that your attitude would be quite different ;-)

Give the guy a break. Whoever he actually is, he's been friendly, if not a little clueless. Send him and email and tell him that you're fine, thank you for your email but you are in a relationship now and to please tell his friend that you're not available. Don't send any other replies.